My father, John Thomas Cliver, Sr., died today at 1:25PM. I don’t what else to say right now.
Father God, I ask for strength for my mother. Bless her and bless my father’s children and his legacy. I praise you anyway. Amen.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
wrap-up of my twenty-one day fast, part two
Wrap-up of my twenty-one day fast, part two
My father, John Thomas Cliver, Sr., died today at 1:25PM. I don’t what else to say right now.
Father God, I ask for strength for my mother. Bless her and bless my father’s children and his legacy. I praise you anyway. Amen.
My father, John Thomas Cliver, Sr., died today at 1:25PM. I don’t what else to say right now.
Father God, I ask for strength for my mother. Bless her and bless my father’s children and his legacy. I praise you anyway. Amen.
wrap-up of my twenty-one day fast
Wrap-up of my twenty-one day fast
I had my first thing to eat today. It was oatmeal that Ella added dates, walnuts and Grape-Nuts to. It was delicious but, as I figured, it was not the ultimate of creation. Not sure why.
I do know that those things so greatly anticipated are never quite what you thought they would be. That is case with a lot of things in this life. And oatmeal is not among the pantheon of great and wonderful things. It is good and I like it, but still. It is just oatmeal.
The fast ends with a lot of physical problems and an astonishing weight loss of 55-60 pounds, depending on how accurate my scale is. That is just in three weeks. I never anticipated that, and my body has let me know that it did not like it.
Now comes the rebuilding process and an addition 30 pounds that I want to lose. I guess that in just three weeks, I fulfilled one of my New Year’s Resolutions, the one that said I would lose 50 pounds. Good deal, I guess. That is not why I went on the fast, but given to me by God in the fasting.
I am still processing what I have learned from the fast and will blog it later.
For now, it all ends on a sad note. My father, who is 82 and has Alzheimer’s along with two forms of cancer and a stroke, is about to die. We are waiting for the message and will go to Tyler, TX, when it happens. 750 miles there, 1300 round trip.
It hurts to hear this. He has always been a strong vital man and my mother is in pain at losing her lover. On top of it all, yesterday was their anniversary, and I doubt sincerely that he was even aware of it.
I still do not know why the Lord has put me so far away from my family. The immediate aphorism that comes to hand for most people is that he had some good reason and a job for me here. That trips so liltingly off the tongue but is just that: an aphorism. And sometimes a rather meaningless and irritating one, as most aphorisms are.
Now I wait.
Father God, I ask you for power for my mother, and I ask you to take my father quickly if he is not to be healed. Help us, his children, to know your grace in this time of grief. Bless us. I praise you. Amen.
I had my first thing to eat today. It was oatmeal that Ella added dates, walnuts and Grape-Nuts to. It was delicious but, as I figured, it was not the ultimate of creation. Not sure why.
I do know that those things so greatly anticipated are never quite what you thought they would be. That is case with a lot of things in this life. And oatmeal is not among the pantheon of great and wonderful things. It is good and I like it, but still. It is just oatmeal.
The fast ends with a lot of physical problems and an astonishing weight loss of 55-60 pounds, depending on how accurate my scale is. That is just in three weeks. I never anticipated that, and my body has let me know that it did not like it.
Now comes the rebuilding process and an addition 30 pounds that I want to lose. I guess that in just three weeks, I fulfilled one of my New Year’s Resolutions, the one that said I would lose 50 pounds. Good deal, I guess. That is not why I went on the fast, but given to me by God in the fasting.
I am still processing what I have learned from the fast and will blog it later.
For now, it all ends on a sad note. My father, who is 82 and has Alzheimer’s along with two forms of cancer and a stroke, is about to die. We are waiting for the message and will go to Tyler, TX, when it happens. 750 miles there, 1300 round trip.
It hurts to hear this. He has always been a strong vital man and my mother is in pain at losing her lover. On top of it all, yesterday was their anniversary, and I doubt sincerely that he was even aware of it.
I still do not know why the Lord has put me so far away from my family. The immediate aphorism that comes to hand for most people is that he had some good reason and a job for me here. That trips so liltingly off the tongue but is just that: an aphorism. And sometimes a rather meaningless and irritating one, as most aphorisms are.
Now I wait.
Father God, I ask you for power for my mother, and I ask you to take my father quickly if he is not to be healed. Help us, his children, to know your grace in this time of grief. Bless us. I praise you. Amen.
Monday, February 21, 2011
end of day twenty-one, the last day
End of day twenty-one, the last day
It has been a long fast. Tomorrow I am going to write down all my observations and see where it has all led me.
The cramping, the coldness I feel constantly, the runny nose, the hunger pangs, the digestive system problems, the light headedness, all these I believe were ultimately worth it.
I feel a closeness to God I haven’t felt in a while. I am able to pray longer and maybe a little more deeply. And there were some things told me and that I have seen that were worth it.
All in all, I am glad I am finishing and I am glad I started.
It has made my church a little wary and afraid of me. Every church wants a pastor that fasts and prays, but one who fasts and prays for three solid weeks is a little beyond their pale.
I am going to continue the weight loss. I need to lose another 30 pounds at least. The fifty that I lost during this fast were a total surprise. The last long fast I went on, thirty days total, did not yield nearly this much weight. Of course, I was younger at the time. That may be why. I do not know. And I do not care. I was entirely too overweight to begin with and now I still am, just not as much.
I look forward to reemerging as a member of the dining community. My meals are going to be small and easy for a while, lest I die. Oatmeal tomorrow morning, then stir fry for supper. Something in between, maybe crackers and cheese. I bought some sale Valentine’s Day candy yesterday on sale. I may have some of that.
I do know that I will strive to never eat as much as I have eaten in the past. That is my weight problem. I eat just entirely too much.
I have not necessarily enjoyed this fast, but I am glad I went on it. May God be forever praised in my life.
Father God, I ask for power in my life and in the life of my church. Give us grace and strength to grow more strongly in you. Grant our denomination and the church in general your strength and power to take your name to the world. Give us unity. Thank you for this time of fasting and prayer. I praise you. Amen.
It has been a long fast. Tomorrow I am going to write down all my observations and see where it has all led me.
The cramping, the coldness I feel constantly, the runny nose, the hunger pangs, the digestive system problems, the light headedness, all these I believe were ultimately worth it.
I feel a closeness to God I haven’t felt in a while. I am able to pray longer and maybe a little more deeply. And there were some things told me and that I have seen that were worth it.
All in all, I am glad I am finishing and I am glad I started.
It has made my church a little wary and afraid of me. Every church wants a pastor that fasts and prays, but one who fasts and prays for three solid weeks is a little beyond their pale.
I am going to continue the weight loss. I need to lose another 30 pounds at least. The fifty that I lost during this fast were a total surprise. The last long fast I went on, thirty days total, did not yield nearly this much weight. Of course, I was younger at the time. That may be why. I do not know. And I do not care. I was entirely too overweight to begin with and now I still am, just not as much.
I look forward to reemerging as a member of the dining community. My meals are going to be small and easy for a while, lest I die. Oatmeal tomorrow morning, then stir fry for supper. Something in between, maybe crackers and cheese. I bought some sale Valentine’s Day candy yesterday on sale. I may have some of that.
I do know that I will strive to never eat as much as I have eaten in the past. That is my weight problem. I eat just entirely too much.
I have not necessarily enjoyed this fast, but I am glad I went on it. May God be forever praised in my life.
Father God, I ask for power in my life and in the life of my church. Give us grace and strength to grow more strongly in you. Grant our denomination and the church in general your strength and power to take your name to the world. Give us unity. Thank you for this time of fasting and prayer. I praise you. Amen.
addendum two to day twenty-one
Addendum two to day twenty-one
I just had the most depressing disappointment. I went down to the store in south Lincoln to get the oatmeal that I intended to eat tomorrow and they were out. The next shipment was coming in today.
Now in the great scale of things that was pathetically minor. But in proportion to the amount of time I have spent in thinking about eating it, it is huge.
For the past week and a half in my twenty-one day fast, I have thought about that oatmeal. I am not sure why it has occupied such a center of importance, but it has. And I know it got ridiculous.
It is amazing again that something so small can loom so large in your mind. It is like the guy overseas who dreams of an American hamburger to the point that he has it in his mind better than hamburger can taste, then when he gets home and eats one, it is a disappointment.
I know that the oatmeal – a multi grain made up of several different things – could not taste as good as I had made it up to be. But the fact remains that I will not get it.
Ella will make me some oatmeal tomorrow. She will put dates and walnuts and Grape-Nuts in it and it will be great.
But nothing will ever again taste to me like that multi-grain oatmeal would have tasted. One of the great wonders of the world has slipped through my grasp.
I just had the most depressing disappointment. I went down to the store in south Lincoln to get the oatmeal that I intended to eat tomorrow and they were out. The next shipment was coming in today.
Now in the great scale of things that was pathetically minor. But in proportion to the amount of time I have spent in thinking about eating it, it is huge.
For the past week and a half in my twenty-one day fast, I have thought about that oatmeal. I am not sure why it has occupied such a center of importance, but it has. And I know it got ridiculous.
It is amazing again that something so small can loom so large in your mind. It is like the guy overseas who dreams of an American hamburger to the point that he has it in his mind better than hamburger can taste, then when he gets home and eats one, it is a disappointment.
I know that the oatmeal – a multi grain made up of several different things – could not taste as good as I had made it up to be. But the fact remains that I will not get it.
Ella will make me some oatmeal tomorrow. She will put dates and walnuts and Grape-Nuts in it and it will be great.
But nothing will ever again taste to me like that multi-grain oatmeal would have tasted. One of the great wonders of the world has slipped through my grasp.
addendum to day twenty-one
Addendum to day twenty-one
It has been a good experience observing this fast. I have felt the need to do this for a quite a while but just didn’t have the sand to do it. On this last day, I am going today to consider what I have gained and what I have given, what the Lord has said and what I have asked.
It has been a physically demanding fast, much more than I ever had before in my life. the super weight loss, the physical discomfort, the cramping, the runny nose, the almost hallucinogenic feelings at times. All those were unexpected. I knew I would lose weight but I never considered 50 pounds of rapid weight loss.
I have also felt closer to God so much this fast. It has extended my praying and my meditation. It has made my writing stronger, my observations clearer.
It has also made me, my wife tells me, look haunted. There is a look in the eyes of starving people that is in mine. Even though I still do not look anywhere near like I am starving, there is a look in my eye that says something is different. It is the look of an acetic, one who denies himself a lot.
I have never really denied myself that much in my life and my looks always reflected that. But the denial of food for 21 days can make a man look like that. I have noticed that it makes people a little nervous around me. I am beginning to think the people in this church are a little scared of me anyway, and this doesn’t help any.
I think they are scared because of the fact that when I came in here, there were those who had run things for a long time and had been empowered by leadership to do so. When I came in, I didn’t allow it and there was little or no give in me. Whether for good or ill these people ended up leaving. And when they did, the tension in the church was gone. Of course, so were many in the church, but the result was good, I think. I hope.
The rest of this day stands before me. Last night was difficult. I was wrapped up in an electric warming throw in my recliner watching a movie. Of course, Ella, the cold natured one was not cold. I, the warm natured one was freezing. So there I was, the little old man, sitting in his chair with a lap robe, doddering over his mulled wine. Well, it wasn’t mulled, but still.
It will be good to eat again. I had toyed with the idea of going ahead and going forty days, but I don’t believe I will. I think I have done enough damage for the moment.
Father God, I ask for more power in my life. Let me feel your presence and see your face. Force yourself on me and fill me with you. I praise you. Amen.
It has been a good experience observing this fast. I have felt the need to do this for a quite a while but just didn’t have the sand to do it. On this last day, I am going today to consider what I have gained and what I have given, what the Lord has said and what I have asked.
It has been a physically demanding fast, much more than I ever had before in my life. the super weight loss, the physical discomfort, the cramping, the runny nose, the almost hallucinogenic feelings at times. All those were unexpected. I knew I would lose weight but I never considered 50 pounds of rapid weight loss.
I have also felt closer to God so much this fast. It has extended my praying and my meditation. It has made my writing stronger, my observations clearer.
It has also made me, my wife tells me, look haunted. There is a look in the eyes of starving people that is in mine. Even though I still do not look anywhere near like I am starving, there is a look in my eye that says something is different. It is the look of an acetic, one who denies himself a lot.
I have never really denied myself that much in my life and my looks always reflected that. But the denial of food for 21 days can make a man look like that. I have noticed that it makes people a little nervous around me. I am beginning to think the people in this church are a little scared of me anyway, and this doesn’t help any.
I think they are scared because of the fact that when I came in here, there were those who had run things for a long time and had been empowered by leadership to do so. When I came in, I didn’t allow it and there was little or no give in me. Whether for good or ill these people ended up leaving. And when they did, the tension in the church was gone. Of course, so were many in the church, but the result was good, I think. I hope.
The rest of this day stands before me. Last night was difficult. I was wrapped up in an electric warming throw in my recliner watching a movie. Of course, Ella, the cold natured one was not cold. I, the warm natured one was freezing. So there I was, the little old man, sitting in his chair with a lap robe, doddering over his mulled wine. Well, it wasn’t mulled, but still.
It will be good to eat again. I had toyed with the idea of going ahead and going forty days, but I don’t believe I will. I think I have done enough damage for the moment.
Father God, I ask for more power in my life. Let me feel your presence and see your face. Force yourself on me and fill me with you. I praise you. Amen.
day twenty-one of the fast, the last day
Day twenty-one of the fast, the last day
Unity is our prayer today. But I do not limit this prayer to unity and focus for just the Foursquare Church. Part of my problem has always been that I am a kingdom guy. I have always seen things in a larger light than sometimes people in my denominations have. That is why I had to leave the Church of Christ. I could no longer look at the church in such a limited perspective. We are all children of God in Christ Jesus. We all serve him.
That is why the apostle Paul said what he said in 1 Corinthians 12:3 above. You agree with me that Jesus is Lord and we are one. Everything else is commentary.
So many churches cannot realize that. They see themselves as the receptacles of the grace of God and defenders of the faith. All others are holders of false doctrine and out to destroy. Even many Pentecostals see themselves that way, even though God has poured out his Spirit on just about every denomination in the world.
Even Episcopalians – who have no real backbone when it comes to living with the world – and Catholics – whom many see as the mortal enemy of Protestantism – have received the blessing.
I was reading a history of the Assemblies of God that mentioned their dismay at the outpouring of the Spirit on the Episcopal and Catholic church back in the 1960’s. They knew it was real, just as it had happened to them, but that was not the way they wanted. So many of them resisted it, standing athwart God’s will shouting Stop!
But it happened anyway. Then there was the Jesus People, then the great charismatic move of the early 90’s, of which I was a part.
The church is bigger than her parts. When we realize that, we begin our move towards unity. Unity is not uniting under our idea. Unity is uniting under God’s idea. When we realize that, we attain unity.
I will admit, though, I like the Foursquare Church’s idea of the gospel, that is why I became a part of it. I had been in isolationist church churches too long to join another, and I looked hard before I became a part of it. It is not perfect and there are many flaws, but after all, we are all flawed. And we still serve.
Father God, I ask for unity in the world. I know that it seems presumptuous for one man to ask something that so many have asked, but I do anyway. Give us unity and give us strength in it. Move your sovereign will over this world and bring them to you. Thank you for the Foursquare Church and for my participation in it. Bless them and keep them. Thank you also for your presence in my fast. I praise you. Amen.
Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit. (1 Corinthians 12:3)Today we pray for unity and focus of mission for The Foursquare Church (that the Lord will speak to us clearly during these days of His will, purpose and plans).
Unity is our prayer today. But I do not limit this prayer to unity and focus for just the Foursquare Church. Part of my problem has always been that I am a kingdom guy. I have always seen things in a larger light than sometimes people in my denominations have. That is why I had to leave the Church of Christ. I could no longer look at the church in such a limited perspective. We are all children of God in Christ Jesus. We all serve him.
That is why the apostle Paul said what he said in 1 Corinthians 12:3 above. You agree with me that Jesus is Lord and we are one. Everything else is commentary.
So many churches cannot realize that. They see themselves as the receptacles of the grace of God and defenders of the faith. All others are holders of false doctrine and out to destroy. Even many Pentecostals see themselves that way, even though God has poured out his Spirit on just about every denomination in the world.
Even Episcopalians – who have no real backbone when it comes to living with the world – and Catholics – whom many see as the mortal enemy of Protestantism – have received the blessing.
I was reading a history of the Assemblies of God that mentioned their dismay at the outpouring of the Spirit on the Episcopal and Catholic church back in the 1960’s. They knew it was real, just as it had happened to them, but that was not the way they wanted. So many of them resisted it, standing athwart God’s will shouting Stop!
But it happened anyway. Then there was the Jesus People, then the great charismatic move of the early 90’s, of which I was a part.
The church is bigger than her parts. When we realize that, we begin our move towards unity. Unity is not uniting under our idea. Unity is uniting under God’s idea. When we realize that, we attain unity.
I will admit, though, I like the Foursquare Church’s idea of the gospel, that is why I became a part of it. I had been in isolationist church churches too long to join another, and I looked hard before I became a part of it. It is not perfect and there are many flaws, but after all, we are all flawed. And we still serve.
Father God, I ask for unity in the world. I know that it seems presumptuous for one man to ask something that so many have asked, but I do anyway. Give us unity and give us strength in it. Move your sovereign will over this world and bring them to you. Thank you for the Foursquare Church and for my participation in it. Bless them and keep them. Thank you also for your presence in my fast. I praise you. Amen.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
end of day twenty
End of day twenty
I suppose that when Jesus fasted in the desert, he wasn’t hungry. The knowledge of the mission that God gave him when he was baptized and the Holy Spirit came on him like a dove probably drove all thought of food from his mind.
It was possibly a combination of amazement, shock, possibly some horror mixed in. He did come to die, not to get married and have kids and live a good life, joining the Rotary Club and all.
He probably knew all his life that he was different, that he had some purpose. And because of that he put off life like normal people. I really liked the mini-series Jesus with Jeremy Sisko when he finally told Mary, Martha’s sister, who was in love with him in the movie that he hoped she could be happy, but that it would be without him. That was something you could see happening.
For forty days, he sat and thought and planned and figured and waited and prayed. I also think that it was only when he came to grips with his destiny, his job as it were, his Messiahship, that he got hungry again.
Then, of course, he was really hungry and was vulnerable to the devil. Or at least the devil thought he would be. But he had that special power that comes from realizing what it is that God wants.
To a certain extent, not exactly like him of course, we gain that power too when we accept God’s will in our lives. Until then, we are “kicking against the pricks” as Jesus said in the old King James to the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus.
Even though Jesus died, he knew he was in God’s will. Even though Paul died, he knew he was in God’s will. It was the same with Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego in the book of Daniel. They told the king that they would not worship his idol, that their God would deliver them. And even if he didn’t, they still would not betray him to worship the king’s idol.
That is power. And Jesus had it in spades. Of course, he was a little different, but if he had special power, super power, he was not like us. If it was no trouble for him to be perfect, then he was not like us and the whole thing was a sham.
I feel that power. And I think in many ways it is that power that carries me and has carried me through this fast. As I said, it is not normal to not eat. It takes a special power to do that.
God the Father is my strength. My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth. And he will always be my power.
Father God, I ask you for more power in my sorry life, that I can overcome my obstacles and my sins to worship and praise and serve you more. I know that I am unworthy and that you love me in spite of myself and I praise your holy name. Thank you for the cross, thank you for your grace, thank you for you. I praise you. Amen
I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from?One more day. And today I am hungry. Really hungry. I feel the gnawing of needing something to eat. It is an irritating feeling, but after all, I am human. It is not natural to not eat. Eating is one of the basic needs, so when you deny it, it shouldn’t be surprising that you are hungry.
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip — he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you — the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. (Psalm 121)
I suppose that when Jesus fasted in the desert, he wasn’t hungry. The knowledge of the mission that God gave him when he was baptized and the Holy Spirit came on him like a dove probably drove all thought of food from his mind.
It was possibly a combination of amazement, shock, possibly some horror mixed in. He did come to die, not to get married and have kids and live a good life, joining the Rotary Club and all.
He probably knew all his life that he was different, that he had some purpose. And because of that he put off life like normal people. I really liked the mini-series Jesus with Jeremy Sisko when he finally told Mary, Martha’s sister, who was in love with him in the movie that he hoped she could be happy, but that it would be without him. That was something you could see happening.
For forty days, he sat and thought and planned and figured and waited and prayed. I also think that it was only when he came to grips with his destiny, his job as it were, his Messiahship, that he got hungry again.
Then, of course, he was really hungry and was vulnerable to the devil. Or at least the devil thought he would be. But he had that special power that comes from realizing what it is that God wants.
To a certain extent, not exactly like him of course, we gain that power too when we accept God’s will in our lives. Until then, we are “kicking against the pricks” as Jesus said in the old King James to the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus.
Even though Jesus died, he knew he was in God’s will. Even though Paul died, he knew he was in God’s will. It was the same with Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego in the book of Daniel. They told the king that they would not worship his idol, that their God would deliver them. And even if he didn’t, they still would not betray him to worship the king’s idol.
That is power. And Jesus had it in spades. Of course, he was a little different, but if he had special power, super power, he was not like us. If it was no trouble for him to be perfect, then he was not like us and the whole thing was a sham.
I feel that power. And I think in many ways it is that power that carries me and has carried me through this fast. As I said, it is not normal to not eat. It takes a special power to do that.
God the Father is my strength. My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth. And he will always be my power.
Father God, I ask you for more power in my sorry life, that I can overcome my obstacles and my sins to worship and praise and serve you more. I know that I am unworthy and that you love me in spite of myself and I praise your holy name. Thank you for the cross, thank you for your grace, thank you for you. I praise you. Amen
day twenty of the fast
Day twenty of the fast
It is hard to be a leader in the church and to have people look up to you. So many want it but they want it for the prestige and not for the work. It has long been my contention that I look askance on anyone who campaigns for a leadership position in a church.
That is not to say that I do not welcome volunteers and people who desire to lead. 1 Timothy 3:1 has the apostle Paul writing: Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. In other words, it is good to want to be a leader. But it is when that desire is overwhelming and you can tell it is for the wrong reasons that it becomes bad.
Leadership is a delicately balanced thing. There is the responsibility that so many do not see, and the knowledge that you have to be careful in your leading.
I have been pastoring for 37 years, an astonishingly long time to me. It seems just yesterday that I began. During that time, I have learned so much and yet, at the same time, feel I have so much to learn.
If I had it to do again, I would be a pastor again. There would be things I would do differently than before, but that life situation and marrying my wife again I would do.
Thank God for leaders.
One more day to go. This morning I put on my clothes for morning services, and I look amazingly thin. This was not the reason I went on the fast, but the side effects were definitely from the Lord.
I have been larger than I have ever been before in my life, but, as I said, since the beginning of this fast, I have lost 50 pounds.
The weight loss has really been too fast. But I truly needed to lose it. I intend to keep on with the weight loss.
But the time in fasting and prayer has really been interesting. So far, and I do still have today and tomorrow, there have been no fantastic moves or words from God. Like last time, I did not know what to expect.
What I have gotten is a feeling of closeness to the Lord. He has brought me through this and I praise him for it.
Today is church. I am always glad to go. I always feel better afterwards than I did before. Even if it is not the great worshipfest I want it to be, I am still glad I go.
Father God, I ask for strength for our leaders and for us who lead. Bless them and give them wisdom and discernment in what they do. Bless also the church they lead and make us grow. I wait for you. Hear me, my Lord and my Savior. I praise you. Amen.
It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-13)Today we pray for our central office and district staff (that the Lord will continue to strengthen, lead and fill with His Spirit).
It is hard to be a leader in the church and to have people look up to you. So many want it but they want it for the prestige and not for the work. It has long been my contention that I look askance on anyone who campaigns for a leadership position in a church.
That is not to say that I do not welcome volunteers and people who desire to lead. 1 Timothy 3:1 has the apostle Paul writing: Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. In other words, it is good to want to be a leader. But it is when that desire is overwhelming and you can tell it is for the wrong reasons that it becomes bad.
Leadership is a delicately balanced thing. There is the responsibility that so many do not see, and the knowledge that you have to be careful in your leading.
I have been pastoring for 37 years, an astonishingly long time to me. It seems just yesterday that I began. During that time, I have learned so much and yet, at the same time, feel I have so much to learn.
If I had it to do again, I would be a pastor again. There would be things I would do differently than before, but that life situation and marrying my wife again I would do.
Thank God for leaders.
One more day to go. This morning I put on my clothes for morning services, and I look amazingly thin. This was not the reason I went on the fast, but the side effects were definitely from the Lord.
I have been larger than I have ever been before in my life, but, as I said, since the beginning of this fast, I have lost 50 pounds.
The weight loss has really been too fast. But I truly needed to lose it. I intend to keep on with the weight loss.
But the time in fasting and prayer has really been interesting. So far, and I do still have today and tomorrow, there have been no fantastic moves or words from God. Like last time, I did not know what to expect.
What I have gotten is a feeling of closeness to the Lord. He has brought me through this and I praise him for it.
Today is church. I am always glad to go. I always feel better afterwards than I did before. Even if it is not the great worshipfest I want it to be, I am still glad I go.
Father God, I ask for strength for our leaders and for us who lead. Bless them and give them wisdom and discernment in what they do. Bless also the church they lead and make us grow. I wait for you. Hear me, my Lord and my Savior. I praise you. Amen.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
end of day nineteen
End of day nineteen
Two more days to go. The weight I have dropped is amazing. I do not know why I lost so much weight, but I have. I am wearing pants that I have not worn in years. Fortunately, I guess, I keep all my old clothes. I bring them out once in a while and reminisce over old times. Now I can wear them. That means, however, that I have lost the vast majority of my wardrobe.
As soon as this is over, I intend to embark on an exercise regimen of some kind. I cannot exercise much now except for walking. Every time I try to do anything, my muscles cramp like crazy. It really gets annoying.
Today while we were at worship practice, I cramped a lot just singing. In fact, this fast has impacted several things.
One is that I am so tired. It is hard just holding the guitar slung around my neck. I get tired just playing.
Another is that I am so light headed. I feel often like I am going to fall down.
A third thing is as I mentioned before, the fact that I am so cold. In the church today during worship practice, everyone else was fine. In fact, Ella told me when she came in the church that it was too hot. But not to me, and I am usually the one who gets hot easily.
And a fourth, one that I considered only today, is that during this fast, the entire time, my nose has run. I guess it is the lack of resistance coming from no nutrition. That is the only thing I can think of. Maybe that and being so cold. I have to be careful. I can see getting sick if I am not.
At least my digestive system has decided to leave me alone.
But I still wait. And I have prayed today for my family, especially my children. My son is angry at having to be a PK, and with the things that have happened to us in the past, I am not really surprised. My daughter doesn’t mind it, but she is the kind of person who would still go to church if people stood in the door and beat her with sticks while she went in.
So I pray for them.
Ella is always upbeat and supports me no matter what hare-brained ideas I may get in my head. If I decided to go to Nigeria and preach, she would go. She may not have a good time, but she would not let me see it. I love her, not just for that, but it surely adds to the blessings this stupid wanna-be hippie got when I got her.
I also have been praying for the church here. Something has to happen. We cannot stay small forever. I do not believe it is the will of God that a church be small. That doesn’t mean that a small church is not in the will of God, but I believe God wants his church to be a blessing to those around in the community. And that is hard when you are small and your budget is so limited.
I see great things for a work here in Lincoln. It is over a quarter million population and is both a state capital and a major university community. Great things could happen here. And I believe they will. but it will only happen with the will of the Lord and sure enough not by anything I can do. if could, I would have done it.
So I wait.
Father God, I ask for power to our families, those who have been both afflicted and blessed by their relationship to a pastor. Give them strength and the ability to look past the hurt so many times caused them by the church, and to see the God behind the hurt, that you are good and loving. And I ask for power and growth for this church that we can reach those who need your grace and the gospel of your power. I praise you. Amen
Two more days to go. The weight I have dropped is amazing. I do not know why I lost so much weight, but I have. I am wearing pants that I have not worn in years. Fortunately, I guess, I keep all my old clothes. I bring them out once in a while and reminisce over old times. Now I can wear them. That means, however, that I have lost the vast majority of my wardrobe.
As soon as this is over, I intend to embark on an exercise regimen of some kind. I cannot exercise much now except for walking. Every time I try to do anything, my muscles cramp like crazy. It really gets annoying.
Today while we were at worship practice, I cramped a lot just singing. In fact, this fast has impacted several things.
One is that I am so tired. It is hard just holding the guitar slung around my neck. I get tired just playing.
Another is that I am so light headed. I feel often like I am going to fall down.
A third thing is as I mentioned before, the fact that I am so cold. In the church today during worship practice, everyone else was fine. In fact, Ella told me when she came in the church that it was too hot. But not to me, and I am usually the one who gets hot easily.
And a fourth, one that I considered only today, is that during this fast, the entire time, my nose has run. I guess it is the lack of resistance coming from no nutrition. That is the only thing I can think of. Maybe that and being so cold. I have to be careful. I can see getting sick if I am not.
At least my digestive system has decided to leave me alone.
But I still wait. And I have prayed today for my family, especially my children. My son is angry at having to be a PK, and with the things that have happened to us in the past, I am not really surprised. My daughter doesn’t mind it, but she is the kind of person who would still go to church if people stood in the door and beat her with sticks while she went in.
So I pray for them.
Ella is always upbeat and supports me no matter what hare-brained ideas I may get in my head. If I decided to go to Nigeria and preach, she would go. She may not have a good time, but she would not let me see it. I love her, not just for that, but it surely adds to the blessings this stupid wanna-be hippie got when I got her.
I also have been praying for the church here. Something has to happen. We cannot stay small forever. I do not believe it is the will of God that a church be small. That doesn’t mean that a small church is not in the will of God, but I believe God wants his church to be a blessing to those around in the community. And that is hard when you are small and your budget is so limited.
I see great things for a work here in Lincoln. It is over a quarter million population and is both a state capital and a major university community. Great things could happen here. And I believe they will. but it will only happen with the will of the Lord and sure enough not by anything I can do. if could, I would have done it.
So I wait.
Father God, I ask for power to our families, those who have been both afflicted and blessed by their relationship to a pastor. Give them strength and the ability to look past the hurt so many times caused them by the church, and to see the God behind the hurt, that you are good and loving. And I ask for power and growth for this church that we can reach those who need your grace and the gospel of your power. I praise you. Amen
day nineteen of the fast
Day nineteen of the fast.
Today we pray for the marriages and families of our ministers (that the Lord will protect, heal, strengthen, supply and give hope to those who have answered the ministry call).
Rarely does a woman marry a pastor. Usually she marries someone else, like a salesman or mechanic or lineman. Then he feels the call from God to go to school and train for the ministry. Suddenly she is faced with a prospect she never signed up for: that of a preacher’s wife. And the kids, if there are some, suddenly become PK’s.
It is very hard on the family.
It is the stereotype of a minister that he spends so much with his church and with the kids at his church that he loses his own family and his own kids. It is a complaint you hear from so many ministerial families that the dad is so busy that he has no time for them.
I believe in large part that the stereotype is wrong. It is just that: a stereotype. But it happens more often than it should. Living in a “glass house” as it is put makes it hard on a pastor’s family.
They often feel judged and looked at, they resent their father not making as much money as others, they do not like the expectations put on them by the church. And quite frankly, many churches go out of their way to judge a pastor’s family.
Sometimes the fault is not with the pastor. Sometimes it is with the judgmental attitude of the church.
But in both instances, so often the family is hurt.
It is hard to keep a balance. Sometimes when the pastor has to be with his family, the church will not understand. And sometimes, the dreaded (and extremely unscriptural and ungodly) words are said, Well what do we pay you for?
Someone said that once a few years back and I pulled out my checkbook and offered to give him his share back. He backpedaled and changed his mind. But one thing for sure it is hard for the family sometimes even in the best of circumstances.
I am grateful for my wife’s support through my ministry. Without her support, it would have been impossible.
I dreamed last night that I accidentally ate some things at a gathering in the church. The guilt I felt in my dream was almost overwhelming. All had been for nothing. Everything was ruined. I had failed. I would have to start over sometimes soon and do it again.
That feeling stayed with me when I awoke. For some reason, that feeling in the dream had translated into my real life. it is not often that that sort of thing happens, where my dreams come over into my life. But it did today.
The reality is that if I had eaten, all would not be lost. I would just have stopped my fast early. God would not judge me and I would not have necessarily failed. I have said it before and I say it again. We do not stand or fall before God because of what we do. We stand or fall according to who we are.
If we are children of God in Christ Jesus, we will stand, even though we make all kinds of mistakes. He knew from the beginning that we would fail, that we would sin. So he made provisions through the blood of Jesus to save us.
If there were any chance of us doing what we had to do perfectly, we would not need Jesus. If I could fast perfectly, it would not be to the glory of God. It would just be something I did.
However, I believe that it is not possible for one to go on a fast for this length of time without God being with him. So I also think that God will enable me to reach the end of my pledge. I will fast for him and with him.
But even if I eat something – and last night was hard – I will not be lost. Ella says that my hunger has begun going into my dreams and she is probably right. The key is, I want to hear God more than I want to eat.
I weighed 255 this morning. I started at about 309 last I weighed. That is more than I have ever weighed in my life. Usually I was below 250. Now I almost am again.
Father God, I ask you to watch over the families of our pastors. Give them strength to deal with the glass house problem. Give them strength to witness for you in a sometimes awkward situation, that of living in a family supported by the church. Hear me and give me what I need too. I fast before you knowing that you are with me and knowing that you love me. Hear me, o God. I praise you. Amen.
Today we pray for the marriages and families of our ministers (that the Lord will protect, heal, strengthen, supply and give hope to those who have answered the ministry call).
Rarely does a woman marry a pastor. Usually she marries someone else, like a salesman or mechanic or lineman. Then he feels the call from God to go to school and train for the ministry. Suddenly she is faced with a prospect she never signed up for: that of a preacher’s wife. And the kids, if there are some, suddenly become PK’s.
It is very hard on the family.
It is the stereotype of a minister that he spends so much with his church and with the kids at his church that he loses his own family and his own kids. It is a complaint you hear from so many ministerial families that the dad is so busy that he has no time for them.
I believe in large part that the stereotype is wrong. It is just that: a stereotype. But it happens more often than it should. Living in a “glass house” as it is put makes it hard on a pastor’s family.
They often feel judged and looked at, they resent their father not making as much money as others, they do not like the expectations put on them by the church. And quite frankly, many churches go out of their way to judge a pastor’s family.
Sometimes the fault is not with the pastor. Sometimes it is with the judgmental attitude of the church.
But in both instances, so often the family is hurt.
It is hard to keep a balance. Sometimes when the pastor has to be with his family, the church will not understand. And sometimes, the dreaded (and extremely unscriptural and ungodly) words are said, Well what do we pay you for?
Someone said that once a few years back and I pulled out my checkbook and offered to give him his share back. He backpedaled and changed his mind. But one thing for sure it is hard for the family sometimes even in the best of circumstances.
I am grateful for my wife’s support through my ministry. Without her support, it would have been impossible.
I dreamed last night that I accidentally ate some things at a gathering in the church. The guilt I felt in my dream was almost overwhelming. All had been for nothing. Everything was ruined. I had failed. I would have to start over sometimes soon and do it again.
That feeling stayed with me when I awoke. For some reason, that feeling in the dream had translated into my real life. it is not often that that sort of thing happens, where my dreams come over into my life. But it did today.
The reality is that if I had eaten, all would not be lost. I would just have stopped my fast early. God would not judge me and I would not have necessarily failed. I have said it before and I say it again. We do not stand or fall before God because of what we do. We stand or fall according to who we are.
If we are children of God in Christ Jesus, we will stand, even though we make all kinds of mistakes. He knew from the beginning that we would fail, that we would sin. So he made provisions through the blood of Jesus to save us.
If there were any chance of us doing what we had to do perfectly, we would not need Jesus. If I could fast perfectly, it would not be to the glory of God. It would just be something I did.
However, I believe that it is not possible for one to go on a fast for this length of time without God being with him. So I also think that God will enable me to reach the end of my pledge. I will fast for him and with him.
But even if I eat something – and last night was hard – I will not be lost. Ella says that my hunger has begun going into my dreams and she is probably right. The key is, I want to hear God more than I want to eat.
I weighed 255 this morning. I started at about 309 last I weighed. That is more than I have ever weighed in my life. Usually I was below 250. Now I almost am again.
Father God, I ask you to watch over the families of our pastors. Give them strength to deal with the glass house problem. Give them strength to witness for you in a sometimes awkward situation, that of living in a family supported by the church. Hear me and give me what I need too. I fast before you knowing that you are with me and knowing that you love me. Hear me, o God. I praise you. Amen.
Friday, February 18, 2011
end of day eighteen
End of day eighteen
I am so glad they are together and are going home. He was excited and upbeat and happy.
When she came in, she was rather startled at the weight loss I have undergone since the fast began. I do not see it, but she surely did. Ella says she sees it too. I know that my stomach is gone and I recognize that it have lost – at least by our bathroom scale – over 50 pounds. I don’t understand how I can lose so much so quickly, but Ella says I look as though I have been sick.
She tells me that my facial fat and puffiness is gone and I just look different. After they told me these things, I realized that my hands were definitely thinner. They swell because of the way I sleep with the face mask at night: in one position all night long. It puts me so far out that I never move.
But I do wish that my digestive system would shut up and leave me alone. Eighteen days and still. Today I have been feeling fairly faint and tonight I had my first real hunger. After all, I am starving.
But I want to hear God more than I want to eat. I need to hear his voice, to hear him tell me something. It isn't that I want to see him on a mountain or something like that. It is just that I want to hear what he has to say to me. This started out as a fast for the Foursquare Church, but it has kind of morphed into a need to hear what he has to say.
I continue to pray for the things that our president, Glenn Burris, asked us to pray for, but I have found the need to hear things myself. I have felt this pull for a few years and have never given in to it.
Now I have and I will be hanged if I quit now.
And I wait.
Father God, I ask you for power to our missionaries, to missionaries for churches all over the world of all kind and denomination. Give them power and strength. Give them your presence in their livers and bless them. Bless also the people they have brought to you and keep them safe in this many time antagonistic situation in which they live. Hear me, I pray. Bless Marji and David. I praise you. Amen.
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. (Matthew 4:1-2)A friend and her grandson came over for supper tonight. He has just been released from a juvenile facility and is going home for the first time in eight years. His story is a pathetic one of a government institution running roughshod over individuals. I believe he was falsely imprisoned under the guise of being a troubled child and undergone horrendous things in the interim.
I am so glad they are together and are going home. He was excited and upbeat and happy.
When she came in, she was rather startled at the weight loss I have undergone since the fast began. I do not see it, but she surely did. Ella says she sees it too. I know that my stomach is gone and I recognize that it have lost – at least by our bathroom scale – over 50 pounds. I don’t understand how I can lose so much so quickly, but Ella says I look as though I have been sick.
She tells me that my facial fat and puffiness is gone and I just look different. After they told me these things, I realized that my hands were definitely thinner. They swell because of the way I sleep with the face mask at night: in one position all night long. It puts me so far out that I never move.
But I do wish that my digestive system would shut up and leave me alone. Eighteen days and still. Today I have been feeling fairly faint and tonight I had my first real hunger. After all, I am starving.
But I want to hear God more than I want to eat. I need to hear his voice, to hear him tell me something. It isn't that I want to see him on a mountain or something like that. It is just that I want to hear what he has to say to me. This started out as a fast for the Foursquare Church, but it has kind of morphed into a need to hear what he has to say.
I continue to pray for the things that our president, Glenn Burris, asked us to pray for, but I have found the need to hear things myself. I have felt this pull for a few years and have never given in to it.
Now I have and I will be hanged if I quit now.
And I wait.
Father God, I ask you for power to our missionaries, to missionaries for churches all over the world of all kind and denomination. Give them power and strength. Give them your presence in their livers and bless them. Bless also the people they have brought to you and keep them safe in this many time antagonistic situation in which they live. Hear me, I pray. Bless Marji and David. I praise you. Amen.
addendum to day eighteen
Addendum to day eighteen
Again I am struck by the amount of problems I have on this fast. I am cold all the time, my digestion system is angry at me and now I am light headed and have almost fallen over a couple of times when I was doing something.
But we had another answer. We got a dryer to replace the one that broke. For that I am grateful.
We still pray for a van or the way to get a van. We need one badly. I don’t know if this one – the church van we are using right now – will last long.
But the Lord hears. I know he does. And as the apostle Paul said in 2 Timothy 1:12, I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.
I know he hears me and will hear me more.
On the plus side physically, I have lost almost 50 pounds. I guess it was the Atkins diet that we were on before I started. It had my body carb-starved so it just continued faster. Kind of a surprise, though, since the last long fast I took didn’t lose nearly that much over a whole month.
I intend to use this fast as a response to my overweight condition. I want to look like a good steward of God, not like a fat slob.
Father God, hear me. Bless me. Answer me. Thank you for the dryer. I praise you. Amen.
Again I am struck by the amount of problems I have on this fast. I am cold all the time, my digestion system is angry at me and now I am light headed and have almost fallen over a couple of times when I was doing something.
But we had another answer. We got a dryer to replace the one that broke. For that I am grateful.
We still pray for a van or the way to get a van. We need one badly. I don’t know if this one – the church van we are using right now – will last long.
But the Lord hears. I know he does. And as the apostle Paul said in 2 Timothy 1:12, I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.
I know he hears me and will hear me more.
On the plus side physically, I have lost almost 50 pounds. I guess it was the Atkins diet that we were on before I started. It had my body carb-starved so it just continued faster. Kind of a surprise, though, since the last long fast I took didn’t lose nearly that much over a whole month.
I intend to use this fast as a response to my overweight condition. I want to look like a good steward of God, not like a fat slob.
Father God, hear me. Bless me. Answer me. Thank you for the dryer. I praise you. Amen.
day eighteen of the fast
Day eighteen of the fast
Mission work has to be one of the hardest things a Christ follower can do. and probably one of the most exciting. Moving into an area where there are people who have never heard the gospel of Jesus and beginning to teach.
Sometimes it is just a desire to plant a church of your denomination. There may be a hundred churches there already, but you want one of your particular flavor. And that is okay.
Sometimes it is moving into a city where it is woefully underchurched and trying to reach those thousands or millions that are without Jesus.
Sometimes it is going into an area that is antagonistic to the whole message of Jesus and trying to bring his grace into a pagan or infidel society.
Whatever the avowed purpose of bringing the church, it is hard. Harder, of course, in cities that are antagonistic to your message. These would be places like the Middle East where it if often against the law to convert from Islam.
But I have to admit that bringing the church into a city where there are lots of churches can be as hard. Complacency sets in and people do not care. It is a result of overexposure and undercaring that results in thousands of people who don’t even bother to go anymore. They no longer care.
One thing is for certain, in the places that are antagonistic to the gospel, the people are stronger in the faith. They have to be. To keep something in the face of such resistance brings real strength. It is the kind of strength the apostles and early church had in the first century. The kind of strength that Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego had in the book of Daniel.
Their comment to persecution: our God will deliver us, and even if he doesn’t, we still will not do what is wrong. That is strength.
It is the kind of strength I strive for here in Lincoln. The church is small and has gone through a tumultuous time since I have been here. That was due to some who felt it was their divine right to determine what went on in the church and who resisted change of any kind.
That hurts a work and hurts a preacher. It saps the joy right out of a work. For the past year I have been sitting here trying to figure out what I should do, what I shouldn’t have done and all without the denominational support I thought I would have.
I believe that it is easier and more productive to plant a new church in a city than to bring a dead one back to life. that said, however, I am in a dead one and this is where the Lord has put me. But it has deepened my depression.
I had a burst of optimism when I began this fast a couple weeks ago, but I am not sure if that is my natural Pollyanna side coming out or not. Time will tell. The three words that have come to me, I am still mulling over.
Can it be that I am not a failure? Can it be that God is not through with me? Can it be that God not just shunted me here to this small church in the middle of nowhere just to put me out of the way so he can do other better things?
I wait.
Father God, I ask for power to your missionaries of every stripe and kind that preach your word. empower them, give them fruit in their work and help those whom they bring in to be strong and bear fruit themselves. Show me your way. give me your joy. Set me free from this prison so that I may praise your name. I praise you. Amen.
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)Today we pray for our missionaries (that the Lord will provide all of their needs while strengthening the work of their ministry and giving them great favor and influence).
Mission work has to be one of the hardest things a Christ follower can do. and probably one of the most exciting. Moving into an area where there are people who have never heard the gospel of Jesus and beginning to teach.
Sometimes it is just a desire to plant a church of your denomination. There may be a hundred churches there already, but you want one of your particular flavor. And that is okay.
Sometimes it is moving into a city where it is woefully underchurched and trying to reach those thousands or millions that are without Jesus.
Sometimes it is going into an area that is antagonistic to the whole message of Jesus and trying to bring his grace into a pagan or infidel society.
Whatever the avowed purpose of bringing the church, it is hard. Harder, of course, in cities that are antagonistic to your message. These would be places like the Middle East where it if often against the law to convert from Islam.
But I have to admit that bringing the church into a city where there are lots of churches can be as hard. Complacency sets in and people do not care. It is a result of overexposure and undercaring that results in thousands of people who don’t even bother to go anymore. They no longer care.
One thing is for certain, in the places that are antagonistic to the gospel, the people are stronger in the faith. They have to be. To keep something in the face of such resistance brings real strength. It is the kind of strength the apostles and early church had in the first century. The kind of strength that Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego had in the book of Daniel.
Their comment to persecution: our God will deliver us, and even if he doesn’t, we still will not do what is wrong. That is strength.
It is the kind of strength I strive for here in Lincoln. The church is small and has gone through a tumultuous time since I have been here. That was due to some who felt it was their divine right to determine what went on in the church and who resisted change of any kind.
That hurts a work and hurts a preacher. It saps the joy right out of a work. For the past year I have been sitting here trying to figure out what I should do, what I shouldn’t have done and all without the denominational support I thought I would have.
I believe that it is easier and more productive to plant a new church in a city than to bring a dead one back to life. that said, however, I am in a dead one and this is where the Lord has put me. But it has deepened my depression.
I had a burst of optimism when I began this fast a couple weeks ago, but I am not sure if that is my natural Pollyanna side coming out or not. Time will tell. The three words that have come to me, I am still mulling over.
Can it be that I am not a failure? Can it be that God is not through with me? Can it be that God not just shunted me here to this small church in the middle of nowhere just to put me out of the way so he can do other better things?
I wait.
Father God, I ask for power to your missionaries of every stripe and kind that preach your word. empower them, give them fruit in their work and help those whom they bring in to be strong and bear fruit themselves. Show me your way. give me your joy. Set me free from this prison so that I may praise your name. I praise you. Amen.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
end of day seventeen
End of day seventeen
I finally got warmed up this evening. Ella and I watched a movie and I sat in the recliner. I usually sit in an office chair at the desk where my computer is, but tonight I sat in the recliner. I put a heated throw over my feet and legs and was warm.
It seems that the cold has settled into my body, no matter what I wear. It and one other thing are surprising attributes of this fast. My digestive system will not let go and be through. It is getting irritating between that and the cold.
No word from God today, nothing of any real import. But I wait.
I have been thinking about the schools and colleges for ministers and for Christians in general. The one for the Foursquare Church is LIFE Bible College in Los Angeles. I have no investment, either by money or by participation in that school, although I hear it is a good one.
But I have been thinking about the seminaries around the nation that have gone off the deep end in denying the validity of the Bible and the divinity of Jesus. I do not understand how a school that purports to be a divinity school can teach otherwise than that which the Bible teaches. And they destroy young ministers with their liberalism.
A few years ago, I considered attending St Paul’s Seminary in Kansas City. It was a pricey school, costing around $30K at the time for a MDiv. I went and talked to the admissions dean who frankly admitted their problems with conservative students and how they were trying to address them.
He invited me to attend a class. I went to one that taught about a book about Jesus. Not a Bible book, but one a guy had written. At one point the teacher told us to break up into small groups and discuss something about the miracles of Jesus, I forget what..
I was in a group of four women. One was a Methodist, two were Disciples of Christ and one was Unitarian, a group who for the most part deny anything related to God and his reality. I sm not sure why they exist.
When we got into the group, the Unitarian said, I don’t even know why I am doing this. I don’t even believe in the miracles.
Not to be outdone, the Methodist replied she was not sure she did either and the two DOC women went along. My thought was, man, I’m sure not in Kansas anymore.
I left and never went back.
It is schools like that that turn out ministers who do not believe in the very things they are to teach to unsuspecting churches that are at fault for the decline of so many mainstream denominations.
And they should be run from.
Again, I thank God for my education. It was slanted, yes, but I took the knowledge they drummed into us and found God. He, not the Bible, is the point of it all. The Bible is his word, yes, and I believe it is inspired. But he is the author and finisher of our salvation, not the Bible.
Not that we do not study the written word. it is our guide for all we do and it is real and powerful in its simplicity.
Father God, I ask your power be on those who teach your word. I ask that you move people away from those institutions that refuse. Move through those institutions and show them your power so that they, too, may believe. Thank you for your power. I praise you. Amen.
I finally got warmed up this evening. Ella and I watched a movie and I sat in the recliner. I usually sit in an office chair at the desk where my computer is, but tonight I sat in the recliner. I put a heated throw over my feet and legs and was warm.
It seems that the cold has settled into my body, no matter what I wear. It and one other thing are surprising attributes of this fast. My digestive system will not let go and be through. It is getting irritating between that and the cold.
No word from God today, nothing of any real import. But I wait.
I have been thinking about the schools and colleges for ministers and for Christians in general. The one for the Foursquare Church is LIFE Bible College in Los Angeles. I have no investment, either by money or by participation in that school, although I hear it is a good one.
But I have been thinking about the seminaries around the nation that have gone off the deep end in denying the validity of the Bible and the divinity of Jesus. I do not understand how a school that purports to be a divinity school can teach otherwise than that which the Bible teaches. And they destroy young ministers with their liberalism.
A few years ago, I considered attending St Paul’s Seminary in Kansas City. It was a pricey school, costing around $30K at the time for a MDiv. I went and talked to the admissions dean who frankly admitted their problems with conservative students and how they were trying to address them.
He invited me to attend a class. I went to one that taught about a book about Jesus. Not a Bible book, but one a guy had written. At one point the teacher told us to break up into small groups and discuss something about the miracles of Jesus, I forget what..
I was in a group of four women. One was a Methodist, two were Disciples of Christ and one was Unitarian, a group who for the most part deny anything related to God and his reality. I sm not sure why they exist.
When we got into the group, the Unitarian said, I don’t even know why I am doing this. I don’t even believe in the miracles.
Not to be outdone, the Methodist replied she was not sure she did either and the two DOC women went along. My thought was, man, I’m sure not in Kansas anymore.
I left and never went back.
It is schools like that that turn out ministers who do not believe in the very things they are to teach to unsuspecting churches that are at fault for the decline of so many mainstream denominations.
And they should be run from.
Again, I thank God for my education. It was slanted, yes, but I took the knowledge they drummed into us and found God. He, not the Bible, is the point of it all. The Bible is his word, yes, and I believe it is inspired. But he is the author and finisher of our salvation, not the Bible.
Not that we do not study the written word. it is our guide for all we do and it is real and powerful in its simplicity.
Father God, I ask your power be on those who teach your word. I ask that you move people away from those institutions that refuse. Move through those institutions and show them your power so that they, too, may believe. Thank you for your power. I praise you. Amen.
addendum to day seventeen
Addendum to day seventeen
I never thought I could feel so cold. I have been cold since the fast began.
Today is a beautiful day. 63 right now and winds west at 20, so it is not cold outside.
But since I began this fast, I have had no fuel to warm my body. And I feel it so strongly.
The next time we call a fast, let’s do it in the summer.
I never thought I could feel so cold. I have been cold since the fast began.
Today is a beautiful day. 63 right now and winds west at 20, so it is not cold outside.
But since I began this fast, I have had no fuel to warm my body. And I feel it so strongly.
The next time we call a fast, let’s do it in the summer.
day seventeen of the fast
Day seventeen of the fast
Christian colleges and the like are responsible for my education. I appreciate them. I guess the only problem is that they were all from a radically different denominational group that the one in which I am today. The perspectives of my education and the place where I am with God today are poles apart.
It is an odd thing overcoming your educational bias. You are taught one thing by godly men and then you learn something better. But the men who taught you are still godly men, just with a different perspective. It does not make them better or worse than you, just different.
That is the beauty of the Christian faith. We can be different. That group was aggressively anti-Pentecostal. That was due somewhat to ignorance, as the Lord had not baptized them in his Spirit.
But I know for a fact that those men had the Spirit of God in them, even though they would have felt me to be a heretic today. And the sad thing is, they would have and many do.
Their teaching, however, set me on a course in life as a lover of knowledge. I love to learn things and I think I have a good grounding of the word of God, both linguistic and philosophical. If there is anything the teaching of a legalistic institution can give you, it is a definitive knowledge of the word of God.
I find as I get older, the knowledge I received from that schooling has been better, sheer knowledge wise, than any other I have seen from almost any other denomination. It was word heavy, memorization heavy, very comprehensive.
When we graduated from that time of study, we knew our Bible, we could quote it backwards and forwards. We were walking, talking, living preacher machines. We didn’t know social graces or pastoral ability, or anything else. But by the Lord above, we could preach and we knew what we were saying, at least in the context of that denomination.
We could debate and argue and 90% of the time could talk anybody, no matter their denomination or belief into a corner. Our sheer knowledge was amazing. Perspective was lacking, but a lot of that was that we were young.
In the ensuing years, I have had the chance to put it all in perspective, which is really what education is for. It is designed to give you raw materials from which you make your life philosophy. And the raw materials they gave were great amounts of raw, intensive Bible study.
Yes, it was slanted. All study is slanted because people teach it. You cannot help teaching your ideas and opinions. You are human. But other people can take your ideas and opinions and from their own maturity distill the truth.
I thank God for my teachers and my education.
Three different and disparate words from God in the past two days. Thank you, Lord I wait for more.
Father God, I ask you for power on the educational institutions of all churches, of all denominations that teach your word and the love of that word. Help them to also see you behind the word and teach love for you also. Hear me. Show me more. I am desperate for your affirmation. I praise you. Amen
And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. (1 Corinthians 12:28)Today we pray for our Bible colleges and institutes (that the Lord will use all of our educational and training centers to equip, encourage and release the next wave of pastors, church planters, worship, youth and children, evangelists, missionaries and other ministers).
Christian colleges and the like are responsible for my education. I appreciate them. I guess the only problem is that they were all from a radically different denominational group that the one in which I am today. The perspectives of my education and the place where I am with God today are poles apart.
It is an odd thing overcoming your educational bias. You are taught one thing by godly men and then you learn something better. But the men who taught you are still godly men, just with a different perspective. It does not make them better or worse than you, just different.
That is the beauty of the Christian faith. We can be different. That group was aggressively anti-Pentecostal. That was due somewhat to ignorance, as the Lord had not baptized them in his Spirit.
But I know for a fact that those men had the Spirit of God in them, even though they would have felt me to be a heretic today. And the sad thing is, they would have and many do.
Their teaching, however, set me on a course in life as a lover of knowledge. I love to learn things and I think I have a good grounding of the word of God, both linguistic and philosophical. If there is anything the teaching of a legalistic institution can give you, it is a definitive knowledge of the word of God.
I find as I get older, the knowledge I received from that schooling has been better, sheer knowledge wise, than any other I have seen from almost any other denomination. It was word heavy, memorization heavy, very comprehensive.
When we graduated from that time of study, we knew our Bible, we could quote it backwards and forwards. We were walking, talking, living preacher machines. We didn’t know social graces or pastoral ability, or anything else. But by the Lord above, we could preach and we knew what we were saying, at least in the context of that denomination.
We could debate and argue and 90% of the time could talk anybody, no matter their denomination or belief into a corner. Our sheer knowledge was amazing. Perspective was lacking, but a lot of that was that we were young.
In the ensuing years, I have had the chance to put it all in perspective, which is really what education is for. It is designed to give you raw materials from which you make your life philosophy. And the raw materials they gave were great amounts of raw, intensive Bible study.
Yes, it was slanted. All study is slanted because people teach it. You cannot help teaching your ideas and opinions. You are human. But other people can take your ideas and opinions and from their own maturity distill the truth.
I thank God for my teachers and my education.
Three different and disparate words from God in the past two days. Thank you, Lord I wait for more.
Father God, I ask you for power on the educational institutions of all churches, of all denominations that teach your word and the love of that word. Help them to also see you behind the word and teach love for you also. Hear me. Show me more. I am desperate for your affirmation. I praise you. Amen
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
end of day sixteen
End of day sixteen
It has been a good day all in all. We had a great class tonight. I like Wednesday night classes. They have the people who truly want to learn more abut the word. If things go right, the discussion can be rather lively.
As I mentioned before, a couple of answers today on something, I am not sure what they mean yet.
One was the passage from 1 Chronicles 4 with the prayer of Jabez. I have never believed that had the absolute power so many wanted it to have. They wanted to pray the prayer and it be the absolute way to get God’s attention. God hears and says, Oh, those are the words I wanted to hear. The problem is, there is no prayer or saying or phrase or mantra that does that. It is our hearts God hears, not our phrasing.
The other was a relative I haven’t seen in years that I am a friend with on Facebook. Out of the clear blue sky, in responding to a wry comment I made to an old friend, he gave me an authentication and verification of my mission and my life in such a way that I have never received before. Ever.
It was almost staggering at the depth of the comment he made telling me that I was a godly man.
So often I feel like an imposter. If people knew me they would not like me. That kind of thing. Ella is always after me on that account. She tells me that I am valuable and worthwhile, talented and good. I feel like a poseur, one who pretends.
I think that is fairly common in people serving God.
I read a novel one time by Robert Heinlein, part of which dealt with a man going to heaven. He is riding around on a streetcar when all of a sudden the people around him realize he is a saint and they become afraid of him. He approaches one of the angels and complains about it, saying I don’t want to be a saint. The angel says, in essence, well too bad. You are anyway. And we never let people who want to be saints be saints.
That is true with leaders. I would never allow a person to be an elder or council member who campaigned for the work. I have always felt that people drafted into service do a better job because they come into a time of need. They are not there for the glory, they are there for the service.
Two things today. Five days to go.
Then I can have that slice of toasted and buttered sourdough bread. But I want to hear God more. To hear him clearly, I would never eat buttered bread again.
Father God, I ask you for power to America in bringing you and your grace back to center stage in our country. Bless us so that we may bless you. Thank you for the words today. Give me more. Give me authentication in what I need to do. Give me courage and power. Give me and Ella the things we need, and make our church grow. I praise you. Amen.
It has been a good day all in all. We had a great class tonight. I like Wednesday night classes. They have the people who truly want to learn more abut the word. If things go right, the discussion can be rather lively.
As I mentioned before, a couple of answers today on something, I am not sure what they mean yet.
One was the passage from 1 Chronicles 4 with the prayer of Jabez. I have never believed that had the absolute power so many wanted it to have. They wanted to pray the prayer and it be the absolute way to get God’s attention. God hears and says, Oh, those are the words I wanted to hear. The problem is, there is no prayer or saying or phrase or mantra that does that. It is our hearts God hears, not our phrasing.
The other was a relative I haven’t seen in years that I am a friend with on Facebook. Out of the clear blue sky, in responding to a wry comment I made to an old friend, he gave me an authentication and verification of my mission and my life in such a way that I have never received before. Ever.
It was almost staggering at the depth of the comment he made telling me that I was a godly man.
So often I feel like an imposter. If people knew me they would not like me. That kind of thing. Ella is always after me on that account. She tells me that I am valuable and worthwhile, talented and good. I feel like a poseur, one who pretends.
I think that is fairly common in people serving God.
I read a novel one time by Robert Heinlein, part of which dealt with a man going to heaven. He is riding around on a streetcar when all of a sudden the people around him realize he is a saint and they become afraid of him. He approaches one of the angels and complains about it, saying I don’t want to be a saint. The angel says, in essence, well too bad. You are anyway. And we never let people who want to be saints be saints.
That is true with leaders. I would never allow a person to be an elder or council member who campaigned for the work. I have always felt that people drafted into service do a better job because they come into a time of need. They are not there for the glory, they are there for the service.
Two things today. Five days to go.
Then I can have that slice of toasted and buttered sourdough bread. But I want to hear God more. To hear him clearly, I would never eat buttered bread again.
Father God, I ask you for power to America in bringing you and your grace back to center stage in our country. Bless us so that we may bless you. Thank you for the words today. Give me more. Give me authentication in what I need to do. Give me courage and power. Give me and Ella the things we need, and make our church grow. I praise you. Amen.
second addendum on day sixteen
Second addendum on day sixteen
Finally, I did as I do sometimes and which works sometimes, to my Bible and opened it at random. When I saw the 1 Chronicle passage that talks about who had whom and all, my eyes fell on verses 9-10, the prayer of Jabex.
I have never been a believer in that prayer as a talisman or mantra. Some would have you think that if you just say it enough, sooner or later, God will give these to you. I have never believed it and still don’t.
But at the same time, it was odd that my eye came right to that with no prompting otherwise.
I am going to think about that.
Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.(1 Chronicles 4:9-10)I was praying this afternoon, and I continued to ask the Lord for guidance. I was pretty vocal and specific.
Finally, I did as I do sometimes and which works sometimes, to my Bible and opened it at random. When I saw the 1 Chronicle passage that talks about who had whom and all, my eyes fell on verses 9-10, the prayer of Jabex.
I have never been a believer in that prayer as a talisman or mantra. Some would have you think that if you just say it enough, sooner or later, God will give these to you. I have never believed it and still don’t.
But at the same time, it was odd that my eye came right to that with no prompting otherwise.
I am going to think about that.
addendum, day sixteen
Addendum, day sixteen
Last night when I fixed dinner for Ella, I made a small sausage marinara over spaghetti. With it I made her a piece of cheese toast. That was pretty bad since cheese toast is one of my favorite things to eat. But I made it through alright.
But tonight, I made her one of my all-time favorites: sirloin tips with peppers and onions over rice. I love that. I still remember eating that for the first time. It was at a steak house, I believe Sizzler and probably thirty years ago, was a tremendously inexpensive item and was wonderful. I have always enjoyed it.
But, even though that was great looking, it was the single piece of bread she held casually in her hand that caught me. And the feeling was akin to lust.
I know that it was illogical, but at the same time, Christianity is illogical. God, who you cannot see, says, through a book you take as real, give up everything and let me remake your life. Your first thought is wait a minute. That is dumb. Give my life over to an unseen force?
But you do and he changes you.
Then you are living along and doing pretty well and overcoming all of the temptations of life like a real holy man and all of a sudden, a small thing catches your eye. It is something you looked at a hundred times, but now it catches your eye. And it grabs your eye. And it grabs your desires. And holds them.
A small thing like a piece of bread in the overall scheme of things is pretty small. But that crust of bread to people who are starving represents something more than a dinner garnish. It represents food and life.
I read once of a group that had brought in a homeful of starving orphans. They fed them and clothed them and gave them a place to sleep. But on the first night, the children didn’t want to leave the living area. As it turned out, they were afraid that when they woke up the next morning, everything would all be gone and they wanted to hold on to it as hard as they could.
The ones who had brought them in couldn’t figure out what to do. All of their reassurances fell on deaf ears. The children were afraid that they would have no more of the food.
One man had an idea. He gave each of the children a slice of bread and told them that if they woke up hungry during the night, that they were not to eat the bread, to just hold it. If they woke up hungry, they were to come into the kitchen and they would be given something to eat. But just hold the bread in their hands. Sleep with it. This way, in the morning, if all else was gone, they would still have that slice of bread.
And the children were satisfied. At least in the morning they had a slice of bread.
Looking at that slice of bread when I haven’t eaten in sixteen days was almost a visceral experience. And I realized how powerful something so simple can be when you are hungry.
But – and here is the rub as somebody Shakespearean said – I want God more than I want that slice of bread. Unlike those children I have a refrigerator and two freezers full of food and a who loaf (minus the heel) of sourdough bread in the top freezer.
I can wait. I want to hear the Lord.
But man, it looked good.
So the priest gave him the consecrated bread, since there was no bread there except the bread of the Presence that had been removed from before the LORD and replaced by hot bread on the day it was taken away. (1 Samuel 21:6)Tonight I felt the presence of real lust. It was the strangest feeling I believe I have ever had. I lusted after a slice of sourdough bread with butter that had been toasted in the oven. It made me feel both pathetic and stupid.
Last night when I fixed dinner for Ella, I made a small sausage marinara over spaghetti. With it I made her a piece of cheese toast. That was pretty bad since cheese toast is one of my favorite things to eat. But I made it through alright.
But tonight, I made her one of my all-time favorites: sirloin tips with peppers and onions over rice. I love that. I still remember eating that for the first time. It was at a steak house, I believe Sizzler and probably thirty years ago, was a tremendously inexpensive item and was wonderful. I have always enjoyed it.
But, even though that was great looking, it was the single piece of bread she held casually in her hand that caught me. And the feeling was akin to lust.
I know that it was illogical, but at the same time, Christianity is illogical. God, who you cannot see, says, through a book you take as real, give up everything and let me remake your life. Your first thought is wait a minute. That is dumb. Give my life over to an unseen force?
But you do and he changes you.
Then you are living along and doing pretty well and overcoming all of the temptations of life like a real holy man and all of a sudden, a small thing catches your eye. It is something you looked at a hundred times, but now it catches your eye. And it grabs your eye. And it grabs your desires. And holds them.
A small thing like a piece of bread in the overall scheme of things is pretty small. But that crust of bread to people who are starving represents something more than a dinner garnish. It represents food and life.
I read once of a group that had brought in a homeful of starving orphans. They fed them and clothed them and gave them a place to sleep. But on the first night, the children didn’t want to leave the living area. As it turned out, they were afraid that when they woke up the next morning, everything would all be gone and they wanted to hold on to it as hard as they could.
The ones who had brought them in couldn’t figure out what to do. All of their reassurances fell on deaf ears. The children were afraid that they would have no more of the food.
One man had an idea. He gave each of the children a slice of bread and told them that if they woke up hungry during the night, that they were not to eat the bread, to just hold it. If they woke up hungry, they were to come into the kitchen and they would be given something to eat. But just hold the bread in their hands. Sleep with it. This way, in the morning, if all else was gone, they would still have that slice of bread.
And the children were satisfied. At least in the morning they had a slice of bread.
Looking at that slice of bread when I haven’t eaten in sixteen days was almost a visceral experience. And I realized how powerful something so simple can be when you are hungry.
But – and here is the rub as somebody Shakespearean said – I want God more than I want that slice of bread. Unlike those children I have a refrigerator and two freezers full of food and a who loaf (minus the heel) of sourdough bread in the top freezer.
I can wait. I want to hear the Lord.
But man, it looked good.
day sixteen of the fast
Day sixteen of the fast
This is the country that is closest to me in my prayer. It is good to pray for Central and South America or Europe or the East, but America is the one that is, as is normal, closest to my heart.
This is, after all, my country. I served in the army defending it, I live here and it is my heritage. Those who try to tear it down – and there are a lot in Hollywood these days – do so out of some kind of foolishness that I just do not understand.
It is what I have heard a lot lately called oikaphobia, the fear or hatred of the familiar. Xenophobia is the love of the strange or the stranger. It was fun to go through Germany and the little bit of Europe we lived in when I was in the army, and I am glad Ella was there at least for a little to experience it.
But I live here. This is where my family is, where my roots are, where all that is familiar to me is. And I love it. I could probably live in Europe. In fact, we had planned to go back and do mission work there in 1980, but it all fell through. But America is good.
There is no better country, no more exceptional country in the world than America.
But – and here is the problem – but, it has been moved from its Christian center to something that looks the same on the surface, but underneath is rotten. And you can tell it by our kids.
Children always reflect the parents. Children reflect America today. Tattooed, pierced, promiscuous in odd ways, afraid to speak the wrong thing, sometimes even lacking the ability to read and write.
The dumbing down of education has produced a group of future and present adults that are ill-equipped to live in a world that is not constantly reassuring them of their worth and value. The school system spends so much time on self-esteem and equality that they neglect knowledge and fortitude.
End of the rant. What can we do? 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. That is what we can do.
If enough of us fast and pray for America, I hope that God hears us and that it is not too late for this formerly great nation.
For me, personally, this fast has had some interesting revelations. One was the blow-up at Ella yesterday. I am not the holy person I want to be. And those things I thought were in my past are not necessarily gone.
I am also hungry. I always thought that passage above was one of the biggest understatements in the Bible, almost laughable. After he fasted for 40 days, he was hungry. Well, d’uh. Of course he was hungry.
But then I went on fasts. And I discovered that it was not always that simple. At the end of a long fast, I discovered that you almost have to give yourself permission to eat. You have gone so long that it almost becomes normal. And again I realize how it is that young girls can starve themselves to death. You just get used to it.
You can’t do it forever, of course. But when you are through, you have to be careful.
I saw a TV movie about the life of Jesus in which he came back to Mary’s house after his fast. He sat down at the table and ate everything in sight, just wolfing it down. It was obvious the producers and writers had never been on an extended fast. Jesus would have puked his guts out (to put it delicately) if he had done that.
You have to start slow. I have already figured what I am going to eat first next Tuesday. It will be oatmeal. Then some stir fry for supper. Easy stuff. Last time I ate too much too soon and my gall bladder blew up. I don’t have to worry about that this time, but there is no reason to hurt myself.
One thing, too. I intend to continue the process of eating less. I have lost over 40 pounds in this fast. That is strange. I didn’t last time, but this time I am older and I had also been on the Atkins diet for a month before so my carb count was down. That probably accentuated it.
But I wait for him to reveal what he has in store for me. I eagerly await it.
Father God, I ask you to watch over our country, to move it back to where it was, to move your sovereign will over this nation and change us. Change us once again to a Christian nation, full of your grace. Thank you for allowing me the strength and grace to go on this fast. And thank you for what you have done and for you are going to do. I praise you. Amen.
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” (Matthew 4:1-3)Today we pray for America (that the Lord will bring us back to the roots of our beginning of spiritual hunger and commitment).
This is the country that is closest to me in my prayer. It is good to pray for Central and South America or Europe or the East, but America is the one that is, as is normal, closest to my heart.
This is, after all, my country. I served in the army defending it, I live here and it is my heritage. Those who try to tear it down – and there are a lot in Hollywood these days – do so out of some kind of foolishness that I just do not understand.
It is what I have heard a lot lately called oikaphobia, the fear or hatred of the familiar. Xenophobia is the love of the strange or the stranger. It was fun to go through Germany and the little bit of Europe we lived in when I was in the army, and I am glad Ella was there at least for a little to experience it.
But I live here. This is where my family is, where my roots are, where all that is familiar to me is. And I love it. I could probably live in Europe. In fact, we had planned to go back and do mission work there in 1980, but it all fell through. But America is good.
There is no better country, no more exceptional country in the world than America.
But – and here is the problem – but, it has been moved from its Christian center to something that looks the same on the surface, but underneath is rotten. And you can tell it by our kids.
Children always reflect the parents. Children reflect America today. Tattooed, pierced, promiscuous in odd ways, afraid to speak the wrong thing, sometimes even lacking the ability to read and write.
The dumbing down of education has produced a group of future and present adults that are ill-equipped to live in a world that is not constantly reassuring them of their worth and value. The school system spends so much time on self-esteem and equality that they neglect knowledge and fortitude.
End of the rant. What can we do? 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. That is what we can do.
If enough of us fast and pray for America, I hope that God hears us and that it is not too late for this formerly great nation.
For me, personally, this fast has had some interesting revelations. One was the blow-up at Ella yesterday. I am not the holy person I want to be. And those things I thought were in my past are not necessarily gone.
I am also hungry. I always thought that passage above was one of the biggest understatements in the Bible, almost laughable. After he fasted for 40 days, he was hungry. Well, d’uh. Of course he was hungry.
But then I went on fasts. And I discovered that it was not always that simple. At the end of a long fast, I discovered that you almost have to give yourself permission to eat. You have gone so long that it almost becomes normal. And again I realize how it is that young girls can starve themselves to death. You just get used to it.
You can’t do it forever, of course. But when you are through, you have to be careful.
I saw a TV movie about the life of Jesus in which he came back to Mary’s house after his fast. He sat down at the table and ate everything in sight, just wolfing it down. It was obvious the producers and writers had never been on an extended fast. Jesus would have puked his guts out (to put it delicately) if he had done that.
You have to start slow. I have already figured what I am going to eat first next Tuesday. It will be oatmeal. Then some stir fry for supper. Easy stuff. Last time I ate too much too soon and my gall bladder blew up. I don’t have to worry about that this time, but there is no reason to hurt myself.
One thing, too. I intend to continue the process of eating less. I have lost over 40 pounds in this fast. That is strange. I didn’t last time, but this time I am older and I had also been on the Atkins diet for a month before so my carb count was down. That probably accentuated it.
But I wait for him to reveal what he has in store for me. I eagerly await it.
Father God, I ask you to watch over our country, to move it back to where it was, to move your sovereign will over this nation and change us. Change us once again to a Christian nation, full of your grace. Thank you for allowing me the strength and grace to go on this fast. And thank you for what you have done and for you are going to do. I praise you. Amen.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
end of day fifteen
End of day fifteen
The good was that I had a great prayer session this morning, just me and the Lord. I have decided to tell him everything I am thinking of, no matter how trivial. I sat in the sanctuary at the church and just talked. I made a pretty comprehensive list of everything I wanted to say to make sure I wouldn’t leave anything out.
As I said before, it is hard for me to pray for long periods of time. I know people who pray for hours and cannot figure out how. But this afternoon I went longer. Maybe by the time I get through with this fast, I will be praying for longer.
I suppose that it is my attention span. I get so involved in random thoughts. And I know the devil likes that and sends many of those random thoughts into my head. I have decided that when they come, I will have a pad beside me and write them down so I can remember them later.
Many times they are good and useful thoughts, just at the wrong time. I want to be concentrating on things eternal and holy and instead think of stuff I have to do later. I have done the same thing at night. Stuff will come into my head that I may need to do tomorrow, so I just write it down. It is amazing how that will clear your mind.
I have even gotten to the point at night that I do not have to as much as before. Kind of training your mind.
The other is that I blew up at Ella today.
I was making her a cappuccino when the espresso nozzle kind of malfunctioned. It does that when I do not poke out the little holes underneath. When it did, it went on the counter, not much, but a little. She jumped up to clean it up and I told her I would. She insisted until I almost ordered her back to her chair, where she accidentally knocked over a serving dish that I particularly liked.
It fell and broke on the floor. She got up to sweep it up. I told her again that I would do it, she argued and I blew up. I do not know why.
She of course stomped out of the kitchen, which has kind of become my domain in the past couple of years since she became more disabled. I picked up the chair she was sitting in and threw it into the living room. Then I swept up the broken pottery.
It was so unlike me to do that. She has always been able to push my buttons, but this was more than usual. It is like I am on the edge of something and I do not know what.
She came back in a bit later to apologize, but I wouldn’t let her. It was my fault. And it was like the old me from a long time ago, when my temper was so bad.
And I hated it.
The problem was that even though we apologized and stuff, it still kind of hangs in the air, an unholy residue.
Father God, I ask you for mercy in my life, for grace in my actions. I hate how I do sometimes and ask you to change me, change my heart, take away everything that is not yours and replace it. Thank you for my wife and thank you for my family. Bless those in Europe who struggle against a secular society to serve you. Give them strength. I praise you. Amen.
The Ninevites believed God. They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth. (Jonah 3:5)Today was both a good and a difficult day. I feel something breaking loose and wish it would hurry.
The good was that I had a great prayer session this morning, just me and the Lord. I have decided to tell him everything I am thinking of, no matter how trivial. I sat in the sanctuary at the church and just talked. I made a pretty comprehensive list of everything I wanted to say to make sure I wouldn’t leave anything out.
As I said before, it is hard for me to pray for long periods of time. I know people who pray for hours and cannot figure out how. But this afternoon I went longer. Maybe by the time I get through with this fast, I will be praying for longer.
I suppose that it is my attention span. I get so involved in random thoughts. And I know the devil likes that and sends many of those random thoughts into my head. I have decided that when they come, I will have a pad beside me and write them down so I can remember them later.
Many times they are good and useful thoughts, just at the wrong time. I want to be concentrating on things eternal and holy and instead think of stuff I have to do later. I have done the same thing at night. Stuff will come into my head that I may need to do tomorrow, so I just write it down. It is amazing how that will clear your mind.
I have even gotten to the point at night that I do not have to as much as before. Kind of training your mind.
The other is that I blew up at Ella today.
I was making her a cappuccino when the espresso nozzle kind of malfunctioned. It does that when I do not poke out the little holes underneath. When it did, it went on the counter, not much, but a little. She jumped up to clean it up and I told her I would. She insisted until I almost ordered her back to her chair, where she accidentally knocked over a serving dish that I particularly liked.
It fell and broke on the floor. She got up to sweep it up. I told her again that I would do it, she argued and I blew up. I do not know why.
She of course stomped out of the kitchen, which has kind of become my domain in the past couple of years since she became more disabled. I picked up the chair she was sitting in and threw it into the living room. Then I swept up the broken pottery.
It was so unlike me to do that. She has always been able to push my buttons, but this was more than usual. It is like I am on the edge of something and I do not know what.
She came back in a bit later to apologize, but I wouldn’t let her. It was my fault. And it was like the old me from a long time ago, when my temper was so bad.
And I hated it.
The problem was that even though we apologized and stuff, it still kind of hangs in the air, an unholy residue.
Father God, I ask you for mercy in my life, for grace in my actions. I hate how I do sometimes and ask you to change me, change my heart, take away everything that is not yours and replace it. Thank you for my wife and thank you for my family. Bless those in Europe who struggle against a secular society to serve you. Give them strength. I praise you. Amen.
day fifteen of the fast
Day fifteen of the fast.
Seven more days to go. I wait for the Lord. I know he is near and I wait.
The thing about a fast is that it has to be done with your whole heart. If you do not pray and seek God when you fast, all you do is starve.
It is hard for me to pray for long periods of time. My prayer tends to be shorter. I do not think it is any less intense or prayerful, but I have always envied people who could spend three hours in prayer in the morning. I could not. for one thing, I hate getting up early. I will if I have to, but I do not and never have liked it.
However, yesterday, as I said before, it seemed I had a bit of a breakthrough in that. I found that I had prayed much longer than I had before. I remember that breakthrough from the last long fast.
At that time, I was part of a Thursday morning prayer group that met and prayed for a couple of hours. During the fast, it became easier and easier to do so. But since that time, I haven’t had the opportunity to do so with a group of people. I miss that.
So today, I will pray and I will wait.
Europe is a picture of the United States in a post-Christian society. With the removal of Christianity from Europe, it has made for a desperate people, a people searching for meaning in all the wrong places. They are a very immoral people.
I remember that from when I was over there in the early 1970’s. It astonished me that people could be so openly vulgar. Public nudity (usually at beaches, but still), complete lack of modesty, lack of any real values that meant anything.
It was especially made manifest to a 20 year old man in the way girls dressed. The way girls acted when they were dressed in the very short skirts popular at the time almost caused many a wreck by startled GI’s. American girls wore much of the same thing, but held onto feminine modesty. The European girls didn’t.
As our morals shift, you see that same thing here almost all of the time, especially among Hollywood women, women who would be our role models. With real values gone, so many women are desperate to retain their sex appeal. It is all they have left.
My wife, even though she is 59, is more beautiful than any of them because her beauty comes not only from physical beauty, of which she has a good amount, but also from the inside. Her beauty reflects her Lord’s beauty.
That we can bring that reflection into our world today and into our country once again is my prayer.
Father God, I ask you for your renewed presence in Europe, to bring a new reformation across that land, one that will spread to all countries in Europe and into the rest of the world. as the last reformation made so much impact, we pray for a new one, to make that same impact. Send your sovereign presence to them and let your Spirit rain on them. Send that new reflection of your beauty and your glory once more. Thank you for your presence in my life. I praise you. Amen.
Even now,” declares the LORD, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. (Joel 2:12-13))Today we pray for Europe (that the Lord will bring a new reformation among these countries that will spread like wildfire across the globe).
Seven more days to go. I wait for the Lord. I know he is near and I wait.
The thing about a fast is that it has to be done with your whole heart. If you do not pray and seek God when you fast, all you do is starve.
It is hard for me to pray for long periods of time. My prayer tends to be shorter. I do not think it is any less intense or prayerful, but I have always envied people who could spend three hours in prayer in the morning. I could not. for one thing, I hate getting up early. I will if I have to, but I do not and never have liked it.
However, yesterday, as I said before, it seemed I had a bit of a breakthrough in that. I found that I had prayed much longer than I had before. I remember that breakthrough from the last long fast.
At that time, I was part of a Thursday morning prayer group that met and prayed for a couple of hours. During the fast, it became easier and easier to do so. But since that time, I haven’t had the opportunity to do so with a group of people. I miss that.
So today, I will pray and I will wait.
Europe is a picture of the United States in a post-Christian society. With the removal of Christianity from Europe, it has made for a desperate people, a people searching for meaning in all the wrong places. They are a very immoral people.
I remember that from when I was over there in the early 1970’s. It astonished me that people could be so openly vulgar. Public nudity (usually at beaches, but still), complete lack of modesty, lack of any real values that meant anything.
It was especially made manifest to a 20 year old man in the way girls dressed. The way girls acted when they were dressed in the very short skirts popular at the time almost caused many a wreck by startled GI’s. American girls wore much of the same thing, but held onto feminine modesty. The European girls didn’t.
As our morals shift, you see that same thing here almost all of the time, especially among Hollywood women, women who would be our role models. With real values gone, so many women are desperate to retain their sex appeal. It is all they have left.
My wife, even though she is 59, is more beautiful than any of them because her beauty comes not only from physical beauty, of which she has a good amount, but also from the inside. Her beauty reflects her Lord’s beauty.
That we can bring that reflection into our world today and into our country once again is my prayer.
Father God, I ask you for your renewed presence in Europe, to bring a new reformation across that land, one that will spread to all countries in Europe and into the rest of the world. as the last reformation made so much impact, we pray for a new one, to make that same impact. Send your sovereign presence to them and let your Spirit rain on them. Send that new reflection of your beauty and your glory once more. Thank you for your presence in my life. I praise you. Amen.
Monday, February 14, 2011
the end of day fourteen
The end of day fourteen
Today it seemed like there was a breakthrough in praying. I began to pray longer and, at least it seemed, harder.
I have been waiting for this to happen, as it did on the last long fast.
I have come to the point that I am not sure that I am hungry anymore. At this point in my last fast, it dawned on me how teenaged girls could starve themselves to death. They just decide not to eat. At the end of my last long fast, I realized that you have to give yourself permission to eat, that after not eating for so long, you lose the natural eating ability.
In fact, to this day, 14 years later, I still have trouble tasting what I cook. I didn’t for a month and now I still do not.
I cooked for Ella tonight. I like fixing her dinner. It involves me somehow in dinner and in our life together. It would be easy to let her cook her own food and sit and pray or something.
But dinner is one of our favorite times together and I do not want to miss it, even if I am not eating. So I fix her dinner, and then watch her eat it. We talk, have our drinks together, and in general, have a good time.
The disappointment of yesterday has lessened some, as I knew it would, and I am trying to pray for specific things. I wrote a list of what I and we, both as a family and as an individual, need. That way I can pray specifically.
I know God has what is best in store for me. I wait on him to show it.
Father God, I ask you to bless those in Central and South America. Help them have power in their Christianity and to have the Spirit in whatever they do. Hold them and guide them by your righteous right hand. Hear me, also, and give us what we need. You are a God of power and can do anything. Hear us and answer us, show us your way, give us your power. I praise your name. Amen.
Today it seemed like there was a breakthrough in praying. I began to pray longer and, at least it seemed, harder.
I have been waiting for this to happen, as it did on the last long fast.
I have come to the point that I am not sure that I am hungry anymore. At this point in my last fast, it dawned on me how teenaged girls could starve themselves to death. They just decide not to eat. At the end of my last long fast, I realized that you have to give yourself permission to eat, that after not eating for so long, you lose the natural eating ability.
In fact, to this day, 14 years later, I still have trouble tasting what I cook. I didn’t for a month and now I still do not.
I cooked for Ella tonight. I like fixing her dinner. It involves me somehow in dinner and in our life together. It would be easy to let her cook her own food and sit and pray or something.
But dinner is one of our favorite times together and I do not want to miss it, even if I am not eating. So I fix her dinner, and then watch her eat it. We talk, have our drinks together, and in general, have a good time.
The disappointment of yesterday has lessened some, as I knew it would, and I am trying to pray for specific things. I wrote a list of what I and we, both as a family and as an individual, need. That way I can pray specifically.
I know God has what is best in store for me. I wait on him to show it.
Father God, I ask you to bless those in Central and South America. Help them have power in their Christianity and to have the Spirit in whatever they do. Hold them and guide them by your righteous right hand. Hear me, also, and give us what we need. You are a God of power and can do anything. Hear us and answer us, show us your way, give us your power. I praise your name. Amen.
day fourteen of the fast
Day fourteen of the fast
The revivals that are springing up around the world are amazing. While in America, the church seems to be dying, in Central and South America, in Asia, in countries with horrible climates for Christianity, they are flourishing in great numbers.
The reason is desire. These places desire something better. America, on the other hand, has about all it needs and doesn’t feel the need for Jesus and his grace. They’ve got all the material possessions they need and are fine, thank you.
In the other places, poverty is the norm. there is no dependence on stuff, so they find God.
I wonder if in this economic downturn, we will find a resurgence in the need for God. As people lose what they have and find it was so transient in the first place, they may find the need for God even stronger.
Sometimes it is hard to see God for all the stuff. It blinds us to his power. When we feel we have power, we do not feel the need for his power. However, when we lose that temporal power, there is still that God-shaped vacuum in our hearts that we had learned not to notice.
When that new found desire becomes strong enough, we seek the only solution. And that only solution, the only thing of any lasting value or power, is God.
But he will not compete. He will not argue over who is most important in your life. You take him, he is glad and will do anything he can to help you and guide you. You decide not to take him and he will allow that too. He will not force you to be in his will.
In Central and South America and all the other places where the need for him is becoming apparent to people, they see that and accept him.
Of course, problems ensue. Most of those countries are antagonistic to Christianity. And they will do anything to stop it. But, as history has shown from day one of the church, the more they try to stop it, the more it grows.
Praise be to God and to his awesome power.
I have come almost two weeks into this fast and have lost 40 pounds. I didn’t lose this much this fast last time, but this time I was on the Atkins diet for a month before. That probably accelerated the process. My digestive system also reacted very negatively this time for the first time ever. That has been hard.
Yesterday I felt the faint gnawings of hunger. We went to the store yesterday and got a few things. One of my hobbies is recreational grocery shopping. I shop at grocery stores like I shop at thrift stores. I go in for nothing in particular, kind of look around, and if I find something I buy it.
The same with grocery stores. I have a route (being the obsessive/compulsive personality that I am) that I walk in each store. To the right, through the produce, past the meat counter, past the cheese and dairy products and then the bakery. Then I go down the center aisle and out. If I find nothing I want, I buy nothing. But it is amazing at the good deals you can find with frequent trips to the store and an openness to bargains and day-old meat.
But as I looked, it became apparent that I was hungry. Everything looked desirable, even the bologna. And I hate bologna.
As I said at first, desire is when you want a specific thing. Hunger is when you are hungry.
It is the same thing with God. People think they seek the Lord when they want good praise music, or jumping up and down preaching, or a good tongues dominated prayer service or nicely dressed people. When they don’t get it, they are angry and feel their hunger for God is not fulfilled.
That is not a hunger for God. That is a desire for stuff. It is spiritual materialism. They want the trappings of worship without the reality and body of worship. They are looking for spiritual pizza or ice cream or hamburgers or mashed potatoes with gravy.
Real hunger is when you just desire God and to worship him however you can. Real hunger is when you desire his presence more than you desire anything else.
Father God, I ask that you bless these in Central and South America. Give them strength in overcoming the opposition. Give them power in living for you. Give us here that same hunger. Give me that hunger for you, that desire for what I can give to you. I praise you. Amen.
My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. (Psalm 130:6)Today we pray for Central and South America (that the Lord will continue the revival that He has begun and that it will flow over into the rest of their region and the world).
The revivals that are springing up around the world are amazing. While in America, the church seems to be dying, in Central and South America, in Asia, in countries with horrible climates for Christianity, they are flourishing in great numbers.
The reason is desire. These places desire something better. America, on the other hand, has about all it needs and doesn’t feel the need for Jesus and his grace. They’ve got all the material possessions they need and are fine, thank you.
In the other places, poverty is the norm. there is no dependence on stuff, so they find God.
I wonder if in this economic downturn, we will find a resurgence in the need for God. As people lose what they have and find it was so transient in the first place, they may find the need for God even stronger.
Sometimes it is hard to see God for all the stuff. It blinds us to his power. When we feel we have power, we do not feel the need for his power. However, when we lose that temporal power, there is still that God-shaped vacuum in our hearts that we had learned not to notice.
When that new found desire becomes strong enough, we seek the only solution. And that only solution, the only thing of any lasting value or power, is God.
But he will not compete. He will not argue over who is most important in your life. You take him, he is glad and will do anything he can to help you and guide you. You decide not to take him and he will allow that too. He will not force you to be in his will.
In Central and South America and all the other places where the need for him is becoming apparent to people, they see that and accept him.
Of course, problems ensue. Most of those countries are antagonistic to Christianity. And they will do anything to stop it. But, as history has shown from day one of the church, the more they try to stop it, the more it grows.
Praise be to God and to his awesome power.
I have come almost two weeks into this fast and have lost 40 pounds. I didn’t lose this much this fast last time, but this time I was on the Atkins diet for a month before. That probably accelerated the process. My digestive system also reacted very negatively this time for the first time ever. That has been hard.
Yesterday I felt the faint gnawings of hunger. We went to the store yesterday and got a few things. One of my hobbies is recreational grocery shopping. I shop at grocery stores like I shop at thrift stores. I go in for nothing in particular, kind of look around, and if I find something I buy it.
The same with grocery stores. I have a route (being the obsessive/compulsive personality that I am) that I walk in each store. To the right, through the produce, past the meat counter, past the cheese and dairy products and then the bakery. Then I go down the center aisle and out. If I find nothing I want, I buy nothing. But it is amazing at the good deals you can find with frequent trips to the store and an openness to bargains and day-old meat.
But as I looked, it became apparent that I was hungry. Everything looked desirable, even the bologna. And I hate bologna.
As I said at first, desire is when you want a specific thing. Hunger is when you are hungry.
It is the same thing with God. People think they seek the Lord when they want good praise music, or jumping up and down preaching, or a good tongues dominated prayer service or nicely dressed people. When they don’t get it, they are angry and feel their hunger for God is not fulfilled.
That is not a hunger for God. That is a desire for stuff. It is spiritual materialism. They want the trappings of worship without the reality and body of worship. They are looking for spiritual pizza or ice cream or hamburgers or mashed potatoes with gravy.
Real hunger is when you just desire God and to worship him however you can. Real hunger is when you desire his presence more than you desire anything else.
Father God, I ask that you bless these in Central and South America. Give them strength in overcoming the opposition. Give them power in living for you. Give us here that same hunger. Give me that hunger for you, that desire for what I can give to you. I praise you. Amen.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
the end of day thirteen
The end of day thirteen
Today was Love Feast Sunday, and we had invited several to church. I cooked 15 pounds of pork loin for the lunch afterwards. We had several things planned.
And we had 13 people come, 12 of which stayed for lunch. All in all it was a depressing day.
I am getting discouraged. No matter what I plan, it seems to not work.
I have been fasting for thirteen days now and I am beginning to get really hungry. The cramps are almost overwhelming and I am tired all the time. And it seems that nothing is happening.
I have prayed and prayed and nothing is happening. I had in my mind that today would be a turning point. And I guess it was to a degree. It made me discouraged.
Is this really what God wants for me? A dead church with just a handful of people?
He knows I am faithful. We have attended and worked in church even when I didn’t have the pastorate. We have always done our best. And it feels like he has shunted me off somewhere to be until I die.
We have pastored good sized church, sometimes in the hundreds of people. Now we have 13. We make almost nothing in salary and our van is broken. I am not sure what he wants.
In the movie Robin and Marian, the old Robin, played by Sean Connery, is telling Marian, who has been a nun for years while he was off fighting, of the atrocities King Richard committed in battle. Finally Marian asks, why did you stay with him?
Robin replied, he is my king. Where else would I go?
I do not mean to say that God has committed atrocities or anything bad. He is God and he is good. But it seems that he has deserted me. I still serve him, because like the apostles in John 6 said, Lord, to whom would we go?
There is no other that I would give my allegiance to, or want to give my allegiance to. But as David cried out several times in his psalms, hear me! Hear me, Lord and set me free from my prison so that I may praise your name (Psalm 142:7).
I am at a point in this fast – the over halfway point – that I begin to wonder if I am worthy of his love, or at least worthy of his attention.
Father God, hear me. Answer me. There is no other but you and if you do not answer me, I do not think I can bear it. You are my God and I will ever serve you. I praise you. Amen
I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. (Psalm 77:1-3)I suppose that this could rank as one of the worst days of my life.
Today was Love Feast Sunday, and we had invited several to church. I cooked 15 pounds of pork loin for the lunch afterwards. We had several things planned.
And we had 13 people come, 12 of which stayed for lunch. All in all it was a depressing day.
I am getting discouraged. No matter what I plan, it seems to not work.
I have been fasting for thirteen days now and I am beginning to get really hungry. The cramps are almost overwhelming and I am tired all the time. And it seems that nothing is happening.
I have prayed and prayed and nothing is happening. I had in my mind that today would be a turning point. And I guess it was to a degree. It made me discouraged.
Is this really what God wants for me? A dead church with just a handful of people?
He knows I am faithful. We have attended and worked in church even when I didn’t have the pastorate. We have always done our best. And it feels like he has shunted me off somewhere to be until I die.
We have pastored good sized church, sometimes in the hundreds of people. Now we have 13. We make almost nothing in salary and our van is broken. I am not sure what he wants.
In the movie Robin and Marian, the old Robin, played by Sean Connery, is telling Marian, who has been a nun for years while he was off fighting, of the atrocities King Richard committed in battle. Finally Marian asks, why did you stay with him?
Robin replied, he is my king. Where else would I go?
I do not mean to say that God has committed atrocities or anything bad. He is God and he is good. But it seems that he has deserted me. I still serve him, because like the apostles in John 6 said, Lord, to whom would we go?
There is no other that I would give my allegiance to, or want to give my allegiance to. But as David cried out several times in his psalms, hear me! Hear me, Lord and set me free from my prison so that I may praise your name (Psalm 142:7).
I am at a point in this fast – the over halfway point – that I begin to wonder if I am worthy of his love, or at least worthy of his attention.
Father God, hear me. Answer me. There is no other but you and if you do not answer me, I do not think I can bear it. You are my God and I will ever serve you. I praise you. Amen
Saturday, February 12, 2011
the end of day twelve
The end of day twelve
Not much to say tonight. Tomorrow is our love Feast Sunday with a major potluck. I am slow cooking 15 pounds of pork loin for the church and will eat none of it. Ella made 24 cupcakes and a great looking chocolate cake, too. But none of it will I eat.
It is getting tiresome. I wait for the Lord to hear and answer me and I hope my fast is not in vain.
I guess that is faithless thinking. I have lost a good deal of weight and will wear a suit tomorrow that hasn’t fit me in a long time so I guess there are upsides.
Father God, I ask for your help with the immigrants. Give them the knowledge of you and help them bring back that knowledge of you into this country. Bless us and keep us as we minister to them. Hear me and tell me what you want of my life and bless my church. We need you so badly. I praise you. Amen.
Not much to say tonight. Tomorrow is our love Feast Sunday with a major potluck. I am slow cooking 15 pounds of pork loin for the church and will eat none of it. Ella made 24 cupcakes and a great looking chocolate cake, too. But none of it will I eat.
It is getting tiresome. I wait for the Lord to hear and answer me and I hope my fast is not in vain.
I guess that is faithless thinking. I have lost a good deal of weight and will wear a suit tomorrow that hasn’t fit me in a long time so I guess there are upsides.
Father God, I ask for your help with the immigrants. Give them the knowledge of you and help them bring back that knowledge of you into this country. Bless us and keep us as we minister to them. Hear me and tell me what you want of my life and bless my church. We need you so badly. I praise you. Amen.
day twelve of the fast
Day twelve of the fast.
The US has always been a nation of immigrants. Except for the tiny few that were here already, everybody in America came from somewhere else. This is a nation of 3 million people whose families all came from somewhere else.
My family were Scots-Irish. Ella’s were German. When they got here, they tried their best to become a part of the American landscape, the melting pot that was the United States. It was a difficult thing to do, leaving behind all of your cultures and traditions and adopting whole cloth brand new ones.
But it was worth it. You became an American, a member of a prized country.
I suppose that is what is hard for so many today. Today immigrants come to America and expect to keep doing things the way they did where they came from. They have not really changed lives, just locations.
And it doesn’t work. Instead of a melting pot where every one takes on the flavors of everyone else, we have become a salad, where each ingredient is different and the only ting biding them is the dressing. America is the dressing for a lot of people who will never come together in any common bond or identity.
That is the way it is in the church. When we come to Jesus, we become one with people all over the world. we are unique with unique talents and abilities. Yet we also are merged into the one church. What we do is not to stand out, it is to serve. It is not to gain recognition, it is to worship the one true Audience – God.
When we forget that, we become like the immigrants who come into America or England or France or anywhere else and expect things to be exactly like they were where they came from.
Service to God and membership in his family renders us accountable and servants to each other. 1 Corinthians 10:16-17 says: Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all share the one loaf.
Just like ingredients in a loaf of bread merge to become the one bread, so we merge to become the one body.
Father God, I ask you to bless those who come into our country that they may first of all find you and second of all find a place in our nation. Help us to reach them for you and to remember that our families were once like they are now. Thank you for you love and your mercy. I praise you. Amen.
For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. (Ephesians 2:18-20)Today we pray for the immigrant population (that the Lord will give us favor and grace concerning immigrants and that we will be moved with great compassion for them).
The US has always been a nation of immigrants. Except for the tiny few that were here already, everybody in America came from somewhere else. This is a nation of 3 million people whose families all came from somewhere else.
My family were Scots-Irish. Ella’s were German. When they got here, they tried their best to become a part of the American landscape, the melting pot that was the United States. It was a difficult thing to do, leaving behind all of your cultures and traditions and adopting whole cloth brand new ones.
But it was worth it. You became an American, a member of a prized country.
I suppose that is what is hard for so many today. Today immigrants come to America and expect to keep doing things the way they did where they came from. They have not really changed lives, just locations.
And it doesn’t work. Instead of a melting pot where every one takes on the flavors of everyone else, we have become a salad, where each ingredient is different and the only ting biding them is the dressing. America is the dressing for a lot of people who will never come together in any common bond or identity.
That is the way it is in the church. When we come to Jesus, we become one with people all over the world. we are unique with unique talents and abilities. Yet we also are merged into the one church. What we do is not to stand out, it is to serve. It is not to gain recognition, it is to worship the one true Audience – God.
When we forget that, we become like the immigrants who come into America or England or France or anywhere else and expect things to be exactly like they were where they came from.
Service to God and membership in his family renders us accountable and servants to each other. 1 Corinthians 10:16-17 says: Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all share the one loaf.
Just like ingredients in a loaf of bread merge to become the one bread, so we merge to become the one body.
Father God, I ask you to bless those who come into our country that they may first of all find you and second of all find a place in our nation. Help us to reach them for you and to remember that our families were once like they are now. Thank you for you love and your mercy. I praise you. Amen.
Friday, February 11, 2011
the end of day eleven
The end of day eleven
The heightened awareness of everything when you haven’t eaten in almost two weeks is amazing. If God were to speak to me, I think it would scare me, it would be so strong. Which is what I want.
Walking through the grocery store today, I again had that strange knowledge that I was totally alone in the entire store. No one else had not eaten in eleven days. I remember the loneliness from the last time I had a long fast. It has made it hard for me to engage in any long fast since then because of that feeling.
I am hoping that others are joining me in this. I haven’t heard from anyone else about it, except for an email this morning to pray for the Middle East. It is the first I have heard. However, even if I am alone, I have been needing to do this for a long time and I am glad the Lord has given me the opportunity.
Ella has faithfully fasted from snacks these eleven days. In some ways that is harder than not eating. In our culture, especially, snacks are big time. You would think we couldn’t make it from one meal to the next to hear the snack ads. No wonder we are all so overweight.
Weight loss has not been the focus of this fast, but I knew I would lose weight. So far I have lost 30 pounds. So Sunday, I will wear one of the suits I haven’t worn in a long time to Church. It is our Love Feast Sunday in which we focus on the Lord’s Supper. We usually do not do so, but Ella and I intend to dress up.
Ella and I will be preaching together, something we do not do often, but that I would like to be able to do more. Her participation adds a lot, mainly due to her good and gentle spirit.
I am so grateful for her in my life. She is the embodiment of love as far as I am concerned. She loves me unequivocally. There is nothing more I could ask from a wife than that. When it comes down to it, how could I not love her?
We will be talking about 1 Corinthians 13. The four main points will be:
The heightened awareness of everything when you haven’t eaten in almost two weeks is amazing. If God were to speak to me, I think it would scare me, it would be so strong. Which is what I want.
Walking through the grocery store today, I again had that strange knowledge that I was totally alone in the entire store. No one else had not eaten in eleven days. I remember the loneliness from the last time I had a long fast. It has made it hard for me to engage in any long fast since then because of that feeling.
I am hoping that others are joining me in this. I haven’t heard from anyone else about it, except for an email this morning to pray for the Middle East. It is the first I have heard. However, even if I am alone, I have been needing to do this for a long time and I am glad the Lord has given me the opportunity.
Ella has faithfully fasted from snacks these eleven days. In some ways that is harder than not eating. In our culture, especially, snacks are big time. You would think we couldn’t make it from one meal to the next to hear the snack ads. No wonder we are all so overweight.
Weight loss has not been the focus of this fast, but I knew I would lose weight. So far I have lost 30 pounds. So Sunday, I will wear one of the suits I haven’t worn in a long time to Church. It is our Love Feast Sunday in which we focus on the Lord’s Supper. We usually do not do so, but Ella and I intend to dress up.
Ella and I will be preaching together, something we do not do often, but that I would like to be able to do more. Her participation adds a lot, mainly due to her good and gentle spirit.
I am so grateful for her in my life. She is the embodiment of love as far as I am concerned. She loves me unequivocally. There is nothing more I could ask from a wife than that. When it comes down to it, how could I not love her?
We will be talking about 1 Corinthians 13. The four main points will be:
I. LOVE IS AUTHENTIC 1-3I look forward to it.
II. LOVE IS SACRIFICIAL 4-7
III. LOVE IS CONSTANT 8-12
IV. LOVE IS THE ONLY REAL THING. 13
day eleven of the fast
Day eleven of the fast.
Fasting in the Old Testament was a mark of despair and deep desire. In the passage above, the Israelites had been defeated in a battle and were desperate for the Lord to hear them. So they fasted.
I have not had the answers I am seeking personally yet, but there are still ten days after today. I have already almost been a the point of weeping and probably will be again before it is through. I wait on the Lord.
I do know, however, that many of the Middle Eastern Christian are weeping and fasting wondering what it is that God has in store for them at this point. Islam (I do not believe there is a difference today between “radical” Islam and just plain Islam especially after I read some of the Koran) is working to wipe them out. Raping, torture, killing of little children, beheading – all horrible atrocities done in the name of a god who is malign and malignant representative of all that is ugly in humanity.
I do not understand why God allows this travesty of religion to endure.
Not much else to say today.
Father God, I ask for your blessings and your intervention in behalf to he Middle Eastern Christians. They are in such trouble. Hear them and help them. Move over their countries and wipe out their persecution by your sovereign power. Help them, Lord. Hear me, too. Move away my depression and give me joy as I had when first coming into contact with your Spirit. Give me peace. Give this church here in Lincoln peace and bless it. Give us new people to help us, new people to whom we can reach out to show your love. Make Sunday a full building of worshipers. I praise you. Amen.
Then the Israelites, all the people, went up to Bethel, and there they sat weeping before the LORD. They fasted that day until evening and presented burnt offerings and fellowship offerings to the LORD.(Judges 20:26)Today we pray for the Middle East (that the Lord will give us kingdom strategies for reaching the lost in this very important region of the world).
Fasting in the Old Testament was a mark of despair and deep desire. In the passage above, the Israelites had been defeated in a battle and were desperate for the Lord to hear them. So they fasted.
I have not had the answers I am seeking personally yet, but there are still ten days after today. I have already almost been a the point of weeping and probably will be again before it is through. I wait on the Lord.
I do know, however, that many of the Middle Eastern Christian are weeping and fasting wondering what it is that God has in store for them at this point. Islam (I do not believe there is a difference today between “radical” Islam and just plain Islam especially after I read some of the Koran) is working to wipe them out. Raping, torture, killing of little children, beheading – all horrible atrocities done in the name of a god who is malign and malignant representative of all that is ugly in humanity.
I do not understand why God allows this travesty of religion to endure.
Not much else to say today.
Father God, I ask for your blessings and your intervention in behalf to he Middle Eastern Christians. They are in such trouble. Hear them and help them. Move over their countries and wipe out their persecution by your sovereign power. Help them, Lord. Hear me, too. Move away my depression and give me joy as I had when first coming into contact with your Spirit. Give me peace. Give this church here in Lincoln peace and bless it. Give us new people to help us, new people to whom we can reach out to show your love. Make Sunday a full building of worshipers. I praise you. Amen.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
the end of day ten
The end of day ten.
Today for the first time since I began the fast ten days ago, I began to feel real hunger. It is amazing that we as Americans are so well-fed that we can go a long time without being really hungry. Ten days.
I was in the grocery store with Ella getting some stuff and it dawned on me that hunger had set in. As I said before, there is a difference between hunger and desire. Desire usually wants a certain thing – pizza, spaghetti, steak – where hunger is much more general. Not a totally unpleasant feeling but it is normal for my body sooner or later to notice that I am not eating.
We had a prayer meeting here tonight for a man who is in the prison ministry. We need every second and fourth Thursday to eat together and then pray. I always cook. I like it but again, there is a definite setting apart when you are not eating. Especially when you have cooked everything on the table.
I am also losing my taste for coffee to an extent. I knew I would. I drink my coffee very strong and the strength hangs in my mouth for a long time. I may have to try making it weaker or doing without the last week.
The feeling I get when I pray is interesting. I was praying tonight and it seemed I could go on forever. I feel so alert and in tune with something, not sure exactly how yet, and I think it is God. I am doing this fast, after all, to get in touch with God.
I am also doing it as part of a corporate venture. I know that all over the world, other pastors and leaders of the Foursquare Church are doing this also. That gives me encouragement.
Father God, again I ask that you strengthen the Christians in North Africa, and for their leaders. Keep them close to you and let them live in your praise. Thank you, Lord. Amen
Today for the first time since I began the fast ten days ago, I began to feel real hunger. It is amazing that we as Americans are so well-fed that we can go a long time without being really hungry. Ten days.
I was in the grocery store with Ella getting some stuff and it dawned on me that hunger had set in. As I said before, there is a difference between hunger and desire. Desire usually wants a certain thing – pizza, spaghetti, steak – where hunger is much more general. Not a totally unpleasant feeling but it is normal for my body sooner or later to notice that I am not eating.
We had a prayer meeting here tonight for a man who is in the prison ministry. We need every second and fourth Thursday to eat together and then pray. I always cook. I like it but again, there is a definite setting apart when you are not eating. Especially when you have cooked everything on the table.
I am also losing my taste for coffee to an extent. I knew I would. I drink my coffee very strong and the strength hangs in my mouth for a long time. I may have to try making it weaker or doing without the last week.
The feeling I get when I pray is interesting. I was praying tonight and it seemed I could go on forever. I feel so alert and in tune with something, not sure exactly how yet, and I think it is God. I am doing this fast, after all, to get in touch with God.
I am also doing it as part of a corporate venture. I know that all over the world, other pastors and leaders of the Foursquare Church are doing this also. That gives me encouragement.
Father God, again I ask that you strengthen the Christians in North Africa, and for their leaders. Keep them close to you and let them live in your praise. Thank you, Lord. Amen
day ten of the fast
Day ten of the fast.
In the scripture above, David had sinned and God had made the child, the result of that sin, ill at the point of death. David knew he had done wrong, but he also wanted the child to live. God had already told him it wouldn’t, but still David pleaded with God in the only way he knew: fasting and lying on the ground. Both of these were positions of humility.
Ultimately, it didn’t work and the child died. When it did, David got up and began to live his life as normal. In 2 Samuel 12, his people asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!” What did the fast accomplish? The child is dead and here you are going about like a normal person, living your life.
He answered: While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.
In other words, nothing. But God knew how I felt. Now there is nothing I can do so I will get back to my life.
I do not know of anything concrete my 30 day fast back in 1997 accomplished. None of the things for which I was praying were answered, and a year later I closed my church plant.
There were no great moves of God, no angel with a flaming sword and an answer from God. There was, however, a peace that came to me, and an awareness of the Lord’s presence. That alone was worth it. I know, and my wife will bear witness to this, that the fast was a God-thing. It was from God and aided by God. I do not believe anyone can do that without his help.
It showed me several things that were really somewhat intangible. It showed me that I can fast before God if I try. It showed that I can exercise the discipline needed for something like that. Discipline has always been a problem for me and I saw that I can accomplish something like that if I really put my mind and God’s mind to it.
It also showed that I can live a normal life while I fast. Like this time, I was cooking for people. We fed a number of people at least once a week and I cooked, even though I never tasted a bite. It was kind of like a diabetic being a pastry chef, or Beethoven, as a deaf man, writing symphonies for others to hear.
At the end of the fast, people asked me what it accomplished. Like David, I had no real, definitive answers. What are you going to do now, they asked? I am going to eat and live normally. God will answer me in due time and even if he doesn’t, I will still serve him.
The fast this time has renewed my optimism for the work here. That was worth all the cramping in and of itself. I had lost a lot of that with the problems that met me when I came. I needed it.
You look a bit like a freak to others, though. Sunday we had seven for lunch. Tonight we will have three over for a prayer meeting and I will feed them supper too. Fried pork chops, one of my favorites. And I will continue. His will and his touch is more important to me than food.
Father God, I ask you that we can break through to those under bondage to Islam in North Africa, that we can make a large and fatal dent in that doctrine. I ask for power to the missionaries, the pastors, the teachers, and the one who just live their lives for you. East their fear, give them strength and extra measure of your grace to live through this. Bless them, Lord. I praise you. Amen.
David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. (2 Samuel 12:16)Day 10: Pray for Africa (that the Lord will give us breakthrough in the Muslim strongholds of North Africa). Again we pray for those who would destroy us.
In the scripture above, David had sinned and God had made the child, the result of that sin, ill at the point of death. David knew he had done wrong, but he also wanted the child to live. God had already told him it wouldn’t, but still David pleaded with God in the only way he knew: fasting and lying on the ground. Both of these were positions of humility.
Ultimately, it didn’t work and the child died. When it did, David got up and began to live his life as normal. In 2 Samuel 12, his people asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!” What did the fast accomplish? The child is dead and here you are going about like a normal person, living your life.
He answered: While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.
In other words, nothing. But God knew how I felt. Now there is nothing I can do so I will get back to my life.
I do not know of anything concrete my 30 day fast back in 1997 accomplished. None of the things for which I was praying were answered, and a year later I closed my church plant.
There were no great moves of God, no angel with a flaming sword and an answer from God. There was, however, a peace that came to me, and an awareness of the Lord’s presence. That alone was worth it. I know, and my wife will bear witness to this, that the fast was a God-thing. It was from God and aided by God. I do not believe anyone can do that without his help.
It showed me several things that were really somewhat intangible. It showed me that I can fast before God if I try. It showed that I can exercise the discipline needed for something like that. Discipline has always been a problem for me and I saw that I can accomplish something like that if I really put my mind and God’s mind to it.
It also showed that I can live a normal life while I fast. Like this time, I was cooking for people. We fed a number of people at least once a week and I cooked, even though I never tasted a bite. It was kind of like a diabetic being a pastry chef, or Beethoven, as a deaf man, writing symphonies for others to hear.
At the end of the fast, people asked me what it accomplished. Like David, I had no real, definitive answers. What are you going to do now, they asked? I am going to eat and live normally. God will answer me in due time and even if he doesn’t, I will still serve him.
The fast this time has renewed my optimism for the work here. That was worth all the cramping in and of itself. I had lost a lot of that with the problems that met me when I came. I needed it.
You look a bit like a freak to others, though. Sunday we had seven for lunch. Tonight we will have three over for a prayer meeting and I will feed them supper too. Fried pork chops, one of my favorites. And I will continue. His will and his touch is more important to me than food.
Father God, I ask you that we can break through to those under bondage to Islam in North Africa, that we can make a large and fatal dent in that doctrine. I ask for power to the missionaries, the pastors, the teachers, and the one who just live their lives for you. East their fear, give them strength and extra measure of your grace to live through this. Bless them, Lord. I praise you. Amen.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
end of day nine
End of day nine.
Sitting still and not talking is something that was hard won for me. It didn’t come easily. As a younger man, I felt compelled to share my wisdom with everyone and answer the questions people had.
I guess that started back a few years ago when I went to a seminar on teaching. A man named Robert K Oglesby taught a class on teaching a class. He used the question/answer method, asking leading questions and waiting for people to answer. He also had rather detailed questions, much more detailed than I was used to.
And people talked. So I started using it and have refined it over the years. I think I do pretty well at it some of the time. I would like to integrate it more into the sermon times. More interaction from the listeners to what I have to say.
But today, I have been becoming hungry. It has been just a gnawing feeling, but it is there. Last time I fasted for any great length of time was 14 years ago. I am a good bit older now and it has wrecked some havoc on my body. My digestive system has not thanked me.
But to choose not to eat is strange, when it comes down to it. It has made me a little hungry – no gnawing pangs or anything, just a mild push – but it has also made me cold. I am always cold.
I get to feeling a little goofy in that. I am the one who is always warm-natured and who doesn’t like heaters. Now I am cold. Comeuppance, I guess.
The alertness is something. I am so alert. I like that and would like to have it and still eat. I am also losing some of my desire for coffee. It just tastes strong and at times, almost unpleasant.
If that goes, I do not know what I will do. I love coffee. My coffee desire will probably come back when I start eating again.
I wait for the Lord to tell me what he wants. It feels like it is just over the hill, just over the next rise. I hope so.
Father God, I ask you for protection for those working in that most dangerous of places, Asia. It is so full of people who are antagonistic to Christianity, even to the point of violence. Bless those Christians there and keep them safe. Bless the ministers and missionaries. Guard them with your righteous right hand. Thank you for your presence in my life. I praise you. Amen
So you go to the house of the Lord on a day of fasting and read to the people from the scroll the words of the Lord that you wrote as I dictated. Read them to all the people of Judah who come in from their towns. (Jeremiah 36:6)Class tonight. It was alright. We had seven attend, but discussion seemed forced. Sometimes Wednesday night class is better than Sunday morning. When it is, it is great. I love discussing anyway and try to teach as Jesus did: asking questions and sitting quietly while people talk about the answers.
Sitting still and not talking is something that was hard won for me. It didn’t come easily. As a younger man, I felt compelled to share my wisdom with everyone and answer the questions people had.
I guess that started back a few years ago when I went to a seminar on teaching. A man named Robert K Oglesby taught a class on teaching a class. He used the question/answer method, asking leading questions and waiting for people to answer. He also had rather detailed questions, much more detailed than I was used to.
And people talked. So I started using it and have refined it over the years. I think I do pretty well at it some of the time. I would like to integrate it more into the sermon times. More interaction from the listeners to what I have to say.
But today, I have been becoming hungry. It has been just a gnawing feeling, but it is there. Last time I fasted for any great length of time was 14 years ago. I am a good bit older now and it has wrecked some havoc on my body. My digestive system has not thanked me.
But to choose not to eat is strange, when it comes down to it. It has made me a little hungry – no gnawing pangs or anything, just a mild push – but it has also made me cold. I am always cold.
I get to feeling a little goofy in that. I am the one who is always warm-natured and who doesn’t like heaters. Now I am cold. Comeuppance, I guess.
The alertness is something. I am so alert. I like that and would like to have it and still eat. I am also losing some of my desire for coffee. It just tastes strong and at times, almost unpleasant.
If that goes, I do not know what I will do. I love coffee. My coffee desire will probably come back when I start eating again.
I wait for the Lord to tell me what he wants. It feels like it is just over the hill, just over the next rise. I hope so.
Father God, I ask you for protection for those working in that most dangerous of places, Asia. It is so full of people who are antagonistic to Christianity, even to the point of violence. Bless those Christians there and keep them safe. Bless the ministers and missionaries. Guard them with your righteous right hand. Thank you for your presence in my life. I praise you. Amen
day nine of the fast
Day nine of the fast.
This is one of the toughest and yet one of the most productive areas of the world. sections of Asia are having phenomenal moves of God with thousands of converts. Yet it is also home to the greatest earthly enemies of the kingdom of God: the Muslims.
Nowhere else on earth is there such widespread government sanctioned oppression and persecution of God’s people than there is in Asia.
The religion of Islam is a violent religion that allows no deviation from the faith. If there is, the Koran (in their minds, and in the scripture they consider holy) gives them permission to kill, torture, rape, mutilate anyone who does so. Whole villages are destroyed if suspected Christian. Churches are burned down with worshipers inside.
There really is no way that tolerance and love can grow except in a Christian nation. Christians do not bomb or kill. They allow freedom.
We pray that the move of God continue over the Islamic nations, and that it extend to those who are persecuting, that they see what is right and good and holy.
It is hard not to hate such people, especially in the world after 9/11. They wish nothing more than our subjugation and enslavement to their ideas. When we have seen what they are capable of and what they will attempt, it is more normal to desire the extinction of such rabid people.
But God loves them too. And he wants them to come to him. he does not desire their extinction. He desires their presence at his banquet table. He wants them to come to him and love him.
Allah is a false god, one of anger and bitterness and revenge. His people are motivated both for a desire for revenge and a desire for sexual domination. You can see that both in the way they oppress their women and in the way they have a heavenly reward of a harem of virgins.
Yhwh God is the only real God and Jesus is his only Son. His people are motivated by love and concern for others, by a life of joy and peace, by concern for others.
Father, today we pray for these who would destroy us. We ask for a move over the Asian countries that they may see the light and recognize what is real and true and holy. May they find what they are looking for – the presence of God in their lives – and may they realize the love he has for others. Touch them and bless them with your presence and the presence of you holy Son. I praise you. Amen.
They repay me evil for goodToday we pray for Asia (that the Lord will continue to give us breakthrough in this strategic region of the world).
and leave my soul forlorn.
Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth
and humbled myself with fasting.
When my prayers returned to me unanswered,
I went about mourning
as though for my friend or brother.
I bowed my head in grief
as though weeping for my mother. (Psalm 35:12)
This is one of the toughest and yet one of the most productive areas of the world. sections of Asia are having phenomenal moves of God with thousands of converts. Yet it is also home to the greatest earthly enemies of the kingdom of God: the Muslims.
Nowhere else on earth is there such widespread government sanctioned oppression and persecution of God’s people than there is in Asia.
The religion of Islam is a violent religion that allows no deviation from the faith. If there is, the Koran (in their minds, and in the scripture they consider holy) gives them permission to kill, torture, rape, mutilate anyone who does so. Whole villages are destroyed if suspected Christian. Churches are burned down with worshipers inside.
There really is no way that tolerance and love can grow except in a Christian nation. Christians do not bomb or kill. They allow freedom.
We pray that the move of God continue over the Islamic nations, and that it extend to those who are persecuting, that they see what is right and good and holy.
It is hard not to hate such people, especially in the world after 9/11. They wish nothing more than our subjugation and enslavement to their ideas. When we have seen what they are capable of and what they will attempt, it is more normal to desire the extinction of such rabid people.
But God loves them too. And he wants them to come to him. he does not desire their extinction. He desires their presence at his banquet table. He wants them to come to him and love him.
Allah is a false god, one of anger and bitterness and revenge. His people are motivated both for a desire for revenge and a desire for sexual domination. You can see that both in the way they oppress their women and in the way they have a heavenly reward of a harem of virgins.
Yhwh God is the only real God and Jesus is his only Son. His people are motivated by love and concern for others, by a life of joy and peace, by concern for others.
Father, today we pray for these who would destroy us. We ask for a move over the Asian countries that they may see the light and recognize what is real and true and holy. May they find what they are looking for – the presence of God in their lives – and may they realize the love he has for others. Touch them and bless them with your presence and the presence of you holy Son. I praise you. Amen.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
the end of day eight
The end of day eight
It is a strange feeling to lust after food. I guess I did back in 1997 when I went thirty days, but I don’t remember. I have not fasted this long since then.
I have, however, gotten cold. I guess that the lack of food as fuel is making me that way. I cannot seem to get warm where before I was perfectly comfortable. I do remember that from before. I began fasting in the mid 1990’s in the winter and got really cold. Fortunately, since then, fleece was invented. Great stuff. I wear a lot of it. And it has been really bitter cold.
Tonight we went to a coffeehouse and heard a man play the 12 string guitar. He was purely instrumental, said he couldn’t sing, and played in a New Age style. He was very good, but he was a bit predictable in what he played. His style was that of a talented person noodling around on the guitar.
I found out, however, that he cannot read music and he plays by ear. He said he also plays each song exactly the same way each time. Hard as that to believe for me (I read music but am only average on the guitar), I have heard of several musicians lately who do not read music yet are world renowned musicians.
Paul McCartney and Jimi Hendrix were two that couldn’t read music but were very good at what they did. I can read music, but all I am is a consistent banger on the guitar.
It was enjoyable, but there were very few there. I suppose that the 3 degree temperature and the 15 mph north wind kept a lot of people inside. We had a good time, though, listening to him and I can see going back often.
I don’t know much about Connection 2011 that we are to be praying for today except that it is a time for getting together to plan mission strategy for the Foursquare Church. That is good. There needs to a plan, although Zechariah 4:6 says ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ Says the Lord Almighty. It is God who gives the power, not a mission plan.
But, on the other hand (and there is almost always an other hand I have found out), Jesus said For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it. (Luke 14:28) You need to have a plan rather than just sitting around waiting for the Lord to drop a blessing on you.
Father God, I ask you for direction at this Connection 2011 in Columbus, that you show them your way and help them to count the cost. You want us to send people into the world to preach the good news. Empower us, Lord, give us strength and finances to do that. Thank you for your grace in my life and in my church. Thank you again for what you have done and what you will do. hear me, Father, and forgive me my sins. I praise you. Amen
I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting, and in sackcloth and ashes I prayed to the Lord my God and confessed: “O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with all who love him and obey his commands. (Daniel 9:3-4)Today is the end of the eighth day. The cramping is about gone. Tonight I fixed supper for Ella as I usually do. She had chili and rice, one of my favorite dishes. For a moment, almost pure lust took over as she began to eat.
It is a strange feeling to lust after food. I guess I did back in 1997 when I went thirty days, but I don’t remember. I have not fasted this long since then.
I have, however, gotten cold. I guess that the lack of food as fuel is making me that way. I cannot seem to get warm where before I was perfectly comfortable. I do remember that from before. I began fasting in the mid 1990’s in the winter and got really cold. Fortunately, since then, fleece was invented. Great stuff. I wear a lot of it. And it has been really bitter cold.
Tonight we went to a coffeehouse and heard a man play the 12 string guitar. He was purely instrumental, said he couldn’t sing, and played in a New Age style. He was very good, but he was a bit predictable in what he played. His style was that of a talented person noodling around on the guitar.
I found out, however, that he cannot read music and he plays by ear. He said he also plays each song exactly the same way each time. Hard as that to believe for me (I read music but am only average on the guitar), I have heard of several musicians lately who do not read music yet are world renowned musicians.
Paul McCartney and Jimi Hendrix were two that couldn’t read music but were very good at what they did. I can read music, but all I am is a consistent banger on the guitar.
It was enjoyable, but there were very few there. I suppose that the 3 degree temperature and the 15 mph north wind kept a lot of people inside. We had a good time, though, listening to him and I can see going back often.
I don’t know much about Connection 2011 that we are to be praying for today except that it is a time for getting together to plan mission strategy for the Foursquare Church. That is good. There needs to a plan, although Zechariah 4:6 says ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ Says the Lord Almighty. It is God who gives the power, not a mission plan.
But, on the other hand (and there is almost always an other hand I have found out), Jesus said For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it. (Luke 14:28) You need to have a plan rather than just sitting around waiting for the Lord to drop a blessing on you.
Father God, I ask you for direction at this Connection 2011 in Columbus, that you show them your way and help them to count the cost. You want us to send people into the world to preach the good news. Empower us, Lord, give us strength and finances to do that. Thank you for your grace in my life and in my church. Thank you again for what you have done and what you will do. hear me, Father, and forgive me my sins. I praise you. Amen
day eight of the fast
Day eight of the fast
I woke up this morning with a cramp. That is the defining physical feature of this fast, more than any other I have ever taken. It sure gets old fast.
But I have, as I said yesterday, a bit of a renewal going on. Yesterday I sat down and began planning for the future of the church here, listening to things that I think the Lord is telling me. It is exciting to be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
As small as we are, it gets to feeling like there is no way that these few people can impact a city of 250,000. But then I remember that Jesus started with very few and grew into the largest religious body in the world.
I see people who begin with a living room church and grow into a massive one, thousands of people. I know that the Lord can work like that. And I want him to work like that here.
I also know that the Lord does not want a bunch of little tiny churches, struggling to keep the bills paid, starving the preacher. Surely, that cannot be his will. He wants his power shown.
I know you can see his power in a small group of devoted followers, true. But it is so hard for a small group of followers to reach a city of a quarter million.
I pray that he hears me and answers me and that he hears and answers my new denomination.
Father God, thank you for the insight you are giving me. Bless this church and the Foursquare Church in general. Bless the Connection 2011 in Columbus that new insight can come there. Make a move of your Spirit over that assembly and let them know you all over again. I praise you for what you have done and for what you will do. Amen.
My knees give way from fasting; my body is thin and gaunt. (Psalm 109:24)Today we pray for Connection ‘11 (that the Lord will visit us in a dynamic way in Columbus, Ohio, and that we will leave with a renewed vision for reaching the world).The emphasis of the meeting in May is “Accelerate—The Whole Gospel to the Whole World.”
I woke up this morning with a cramp. That is the defining physical feature of this fast, more than any other I have ever taken. It sure gets old fast.
But I have, as I said yesterday, a bit of a renewal going on. Yesterday I sat down and began planning for the future of the church here, listening to things that I think the Lord is telling me. It is exciting to be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
As small as we are, it gets to feeling like there is no way that these few people can impact a city of 250,000. But then I remember that Jesus started with very few and grew into the largest religious body in the world.
I see people who begin with a living room church and grow into a massive one, thousands of people. I know that the Lord can work like that. And I want him to work like that here.
I also know that the Lord does not want a bunch of little tiny churches, struggling to keep the bills paid, starving the preacher. Surely, that cannot be his will. He wants his power shown.
I know you can see his power in a small group of devoted followers, true. But it is so hard for a small group of followers to reach a city of a quarter million.
I pray that he hears me and answers me and that he hears and answers my new denomination.
Father God, thank you for the insight you are giving me. Bless this church and the Foursquare Church in general. Bless the Connection 2011 in Columbus that new insight can come there. Make a move of your Spirit over that assembly and let them know you all over again. I praise you for what you have done and for what you will do. Amen.
Monday, February 7, 2011
end of day seven
End of day seven
I doubt sincerely that I will die. I am a very well fed person, one of those people you see more and more today that are quite large. I am not grossly fat, but I am pretty good sized.
I still am after a week’s fasting and a few weeks on the Atkins diet, but I am smaller than I was. Which again, is not the point of the fast. The point is to get in contact with God, not lose weight. But losing weight is a side-effect of fasting. You are just going to. It is natural.
In 1997, when I fasted for 30 days, I lost around 35 pounds, maybe more. I ate for a month than my gall bladder blew up and almost killed me. Recovering from that and the botched surgery that followed, caused me to lose around 75 pounds or so. I never really weighed, but I wore a size 36 Levis at the end, smaller than I have been since the early 1970’s. of course, I found the weight again. It was hiding in the refrigerator.
But in the hunger I am beginning to feel, I also feel a closeness to God.
Today I have been feeling some renewed vigor in my work here. This has been a hard work and one with a lot of pain both for me and the church. There was a major division over control not long after I came and that hurt me and the church.
But I am beginning to see what I need to do. That was one of the reasons I went on the fast. It was mainly because of the call for the Foursquare Church to fast for 21 days, but it was also for me. I had been feeling the call of the Lord to do so for a year or more. Finally, this came along and gave me the impetus I needed.
But it is as I remember from 1997: lonely. There is a lot of comfort of sitting around the table with friends eating. When you don’t eat, you make yourself weird and set apart.
It bothers people and they begin to question why you have to do this and caution you to be careful, maybe even the suggestion that you might be sinning by going that long without eating. You might damage your body. It is not scorn, as the scripture above says, but it is a lot of skepticism. People are uneasy around others that can do or are doing what they cannot or will not. That is not an indictment, but it is true.
I point out to the skeptics that Jesus fasted for 40 days and yet did not sin. Someone else suggests that he had God helping him. But if so, how can I be like him? If he had God helping him do everything, then he was not as Hebrews 4 says, like us yet without sin. He would have been no more than a divine puppet.
So I figure if he could do it, so can I. I more than likely will not go 40 days, but, with the help of God, I will go 21. I know that it had to be a God thing for me to go the 30 days before.
He does enable us and help us. And I look to replace the desire to eat in this 21 day fast with his presence.
Father God, I ask you for strength for those who are planting churches. It is one of the hardest things someone can do, to leave that which is established and set out to a frontier of sorts, a new place with a new work. Give them strength and more of your grace and your Spirit. Bless them and their families and their churches. I thank you for what you have given me, and I thank you in advance for what you will give me in the next two weeks. I praise your name. Amen.
When I weep and fast, I must endure scorn. (Psalm 69:10)It is the end of the seventh day of my 21 day fast. Tonight I am hungry. Not with hunger pangs, but with just the need to eat. It is natural to eat and humans are made with the natural inclination to get some food. To deny that is to go against the most basic of human needs, above shelter or safety or sex or anything. It is topmost of the needs. If you don’t do it at least some of the time, you die.
I doubt sincerely that I will die. I am a very well fed person, one of those people you see more and more today that are quite large. I am not grossly fat, but I am pretty good sized.
I still am after a week’s fasting and a few weeks on the Atkins diet, but I am smaller than I was. Which again, is not the point of the fast. The point is to get in contact with God, not lose weight. But losing weight is a side-effect of fasting. You are just going to. It is natural.
In 1997, when I fasted for 30 days, I lost around 35 pounds, maybe more. I ate for a month than my gall bladder blew up and almost killed me. Recovering from that and the botched surgery that followed, caused me to lose around 75 pounds or so. I never really weighed, but I wore a size 36 Levis at the end, smaller than I have been since the early 1970’s. of course, I found the weight again. It was hiding in the refrigerator.
But in the hunger I am beginning to feel, I also feel a closeness to God.
Today I have been feeling some renewed vigor in my work here. This has been a hard work and one with a lot of pain both for me and the church. There was a major division over control not long after I came and that hurt me and the church.
But I am beginning to see what I need to do. That was one of the reasons I went on the fast. It was mainly because of the call for the Foursquare Church to fast for 21 days, but it was also for me. I had been feeling the call of the Lord to do so for a year or more. Finally, this came along and gave me the impetus I needed.
But it is as I remember from 1997: lonely. There is a lot of comfort of sitting around the table with friends eating. When you don’t eat, you make yourself weird and set apart.
It bothers people and they begin to question why you have to do this and caution you to be careful, maybe even the suggestion that you might be sinning by going that long without eating. You might damage your body. It is not scorn, as the scripture above says, but it is a lot of skepticism. People are uneasy around others that can do or are doing what they cannot or will not. That is not an indictment, but it is true.
I point out to the skeptics that Jesus fasted for 40 days and yet did not sin. Someone else suggests that he had God helping him. But if so, how can I be like him? If he had God helping him do everything, then he was not as Hebrews 4 says, like us yet without sin. He would have been no more than a divine puppet.
So I figure if he could do it, so can I. I more than likely will not go 40 days, but, with the help of God, I will go 21. I know that it had to be a God thing for me to go the 30 days before.
He does enable us and help us. And I look to replace the desire to eat in this 21 day fast with his presence.
Father God, I ask you for strength for those who are planting churches. It is one of the hardest things someone can do, to leave that which is established and set out to a frontier of sorts, a new place with a new work. Give them strength and more of your grace and your Spirit. Bless them and their families and their churches. I thank you for what you have given me, and I thank you in advance for what you will give me in the next two weeks. I praise your name. Amen.
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