addendum to day twenty-one

Addendum to day twenty-one
It has been a good experience observing this fast. I have felt the need to do this for a quite a while but just didn’t have the sand to do it. On this last day, I am going today to consider what I have gained and what I have given, what the Lord has said and what I have asked.

It has been a physically demanding fast, much more than I ever had before in my life. the super weight loss, the physical discomfort, the cramping, the runny nose, the almost hallucinogenic feelings at times. All those were unexpected. I knew I would lose weight but I never considered 50 pounds of rapid weight loss.

I have also felt closer to God so much this fast. It has extended my praying and my meditation. It has made my writing stronger, my observations clearer.

It has also made me, my wife tells me, look haunted. There is a look in the eyes of starving people that is in mine. Even though I still do not look anywhere near like I am starving, there is a look in my eye that says something is different. It is the look of an acetic, one who denies himself a lot.

I have never really denied myself that much in my life and my looks always reflected that. But the denial of food for 21 days can make a man look like that. I have noticed that it makes people a little nervous around me. I am beginning to think the people in this church are a little scared of me anyway, and this doesn’t help any.

I think they are scared because of the fact that when I came in here, there were those who had run things for a long time and had been empowered by leadership to do so. When I came in, I didn’t allow it and there was little or no give in me. Whether for good or ill these people ended up leaving. And when they did, the tension in the church was gone. Of course, so were many in the church, but the result was good, I think. I hope.

The rest of this day stands before me. Last night was difficult. I was wrapped up in an electric warming throw in my recliner watching a movie. Of course, Ella, the cold natured one was not cold. I, the warm natured one was freezing. So there I was, the little old man, sitting in his chair with a lap robe, doddering over his mulled wine. Well, it wasn’t mulled, but still.

It will be good to eat again. I had toyed with the idea of going ahead and going forty days, but I don’t believe I will. I think I have done enough damage for the moment.

Father God, I ask for more power in my life. Let me feel your presence and see your face. Force yourself on me and fill me with you. I praise you. Amen.