the end of the fourth day of the fast

The end of the fourth day of the fast

There, by the Ahava Canal, I proclaimed a fast, so that we might humble ourselves before our God and ask him for a safe journey for us and our children, with all our possessions. (Ezra 8:21)

You forget the comfort in eating until you don’t have it. In some ways, it is like having one style, one color of clothing and wearing it all the time. It is fun to wear different stuff.

In the same way, there is a comfort in eating. The term comfort food goes directly to that idea. When you don’t, you set yourself apart in an odd way. eating is, after all, one of the most basic things a person does. Food is the most basic of human needs. You can do without most things in life, but you cannot do without food. At least not forever.

It tends to make people uncomfortable around you. You are weird and strange. The lady staying with us for the weekend could not figure out how I could cook supper for them and not eat myself. I tried to explain that simply because I had given up eating for a short time didn’t mean that I stopped my ministry of feeding people. That goes on. I think it really bothers her.

So far, people are coming Thursday night to eat with us and Sunday, the 13th is our Love Feast Sunday. I’ll be making up a lot of pork roasts for that day.

There will be even more people fed before I am finished with this fast. But the fast is more important than eating the food I crave.

And I crave food right now. However, this is how I know that it is not hunger that makes me want the food. When I think about eating, I think about specific food that I really like: pizza, grilled cheese, etc. If I were truly hungry, the kind of food would make no difference. So when I start thinking about certain foods, I know it is not hunger that drives me, it is desire. And that is different somehow.

I feel expectant, waiting for the move of the Lord in my life and in the life of the church. Even though I am fasting for a greater cause than just myself, I also request things for myself and for my church.

I request from the Lord a new drive in me, and for my church, new life. The church here is so small that it seems defeated. That defeat in my life and in the life of my church hurts me. And I know that, if God loves me and cares about me – and I believe he does – it matters to him on some level.

It seems that there have been so many failures in my life that if I could go back and change them, I would in a heartbeat. I feel like the apostle Paul as he talked about building a house of straw. Even though it would be burned up, he would still be saved. Even if he got to heaven with no one, God would still bring him into his rest.

That is what I want, that comment from God, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You tried your hardest.”

I have and I am tired.

Father God, I ask you for those strong global partnerships we need so badly to reach the world, those 100 nations we haven’t even cracked yet. I ask also for new strength and drive in me, that you can renew your Spirit in me and give me, not only peace, but also new drive, new energy. Lessen the sense of failure that is in my heart. Lessen that sense of failure in this church also, that they can grow and become mighty in your kingdom. Hear us, Lord. Amen