day nineteen of the fast

Day nineteen of the fast.

Today we pray for the marriages and families of our ministers (that the Lord will protect, heal, strengthen, supply and give hope to those who have answered the ministry call).

Rarely does a woman marry a pastor. Usually she marries someone else, like a salesman or mechanic or lineman. Then he feels the call from God to go to school and train for the ministry. Suddenly she is faced with a prospect she never signed up for: that of a preacher’s wife. And the kids, if there are some, suddenly become PK’s.

It is very hard on the family.

It is the stereotype of a minister that he spends so much with his church and with the kids at his church that he loses his own family and his own kids. It is a complaint you hear from so many ministerial families that the dad is so busy that he has no time for them.

I believe in large part that the stereotype is wrong. It is just that: a stereotype. But it happens more often than it should. Living in a “glass house” as it is put makes it hard on a pastor’s family.

They often feel judged and looked at, they resent their father not making as much money as others, they do not like the expectations put on them by the church. And quite frankly, many churches go out of their way to judge a pastor’s family.

Sometimes the fault is not with the pastor. Sometimes it is with the judgmental attitude of the church.

But in both instances, so often the family is hurt.

It is hard to keep a balance. Sometimes when the pastor has to be with his family, the church will not understand. And sometimes, the dreaded (and extremely unscriptural and ungodly) words are said, Well what do we pay you for?

Someone said that once a few years back and I pulled out my checkbook and offered to give him his share back. He backpedaled and changed his mind. But one thing for sure it is hard for the family sometimes even in the best of circumstances.

I am grateful for my wife’s support through my ministry. Without her support, it would have been impossible.

I dreamed last night that I accidentally ate some things at a gathering in the church. The guilt I felt in my dream was almost overwhelming. All had been for nothing. Everything was ruined. I had failed. I would have to start over sometimes soon and do it again.

That feeling stayed with me when I awoke. For some reason, that feeling in the dream had translated into my real life. it is not often that that sort of thing happens, where my dreams come over into my life. But it did today.

The reality is that if I had eaten, all would not be lost. I would just have stopped my fast early. God would not judge me and I would not have necessarily failed. I have said it before and I say it again. We do not stand or fall before God because of what we do. We stand or fall according to who we are.

If we are children of God in Christ Jesus, we will stand, even though we make all kinds of mistakes. He knew from the beginning that we would fail, that we would sin. So he made provisions through the blood of Jesus to save us.

If there were any chance of us doing what we had to do perfectly, we would not need Jesus. If I could fast perfectly, it would not be to the glory of God. It would just be something I did.

However, I believe that it is not possible for one to go on a fast for this length of time without God being with him. So I also think that God will enable me to reach the end of my pledge. I will fast for him and with him.

But even if I eat something – and last night was hard – I will not be lost. Ella says that my hunger has begun going into my dreams and she is probably right. The key is, I want to hear God more than I want to eat.

I weighed 255 this morning. I started at about 309 last I weighed. That is more than I have ever weighed in my life. Usually I was below 250. Now I almost am again.

Father God, I ask you to watch over the families of our pastors. Give them strength to deal with the glass house problem. Give them strength to witness for you in a sometimes awkward situation, that of living in a family supported by the church. Hear me and give me what I need too. I fast before you knowing that you are with me and knowing that you love me. Hear me, o God. I praise you. Amen.