end of day nineteen

End of day nineteen
Two more days to go. The weight I have dropped is amazing. I do not know why I lost so much weight, but I have. I am wearing pants that I have not worn in years. Fortunately, I guess, I keep all my old clothes. I bring them out once in a while and reminisce over old times. Now I can wear them. That means, however, that I have lost the vast majority of my wardrobe.

As soon as this is over, I intend to embark on an exercise regimen of some kind. I cannot exercise much now except for walking. Every time I try to do anything, my muscles cramp like crazy. It really gets annoying.

Today while we were at worship practice, I cramped a lot just singing. In fact, this fast has impacted several things.

One is that I am so tired. It is hard just holding the guitar slung around my neck. I get tired just playing.

Another is that I am so light headed. I feel often like I am going to fall down.

A third thing is as I mentioned before, the fact that I am so cold. In the church today during worship practice, everyone else was fine. In fact, Ella told me when she came in the church that it was too hot. But not to me, and I am usually the one who gets hot easily.

And a fourth, one that I considered only today, is that during this fast, the entire time, my nose has run. I guess it is the lack of resistance coming from no nutrition. That is the only thing I can think of. Maybe that and being so cold. I have to be careful. I can see getting sick if I am not.

At least my digestive system has decided to leave me alone.

But I still wait. And I have prayed today for my family, especially my children. My son is angry at having to be a PK, and with the things that have happened to us in the past, I am not really surprised. My daughter doesn’t mind it, but she is the kind of person who would still go to church if people stood in the door and beat her with sticks while she went in.

So I pray for them.

Ella is always upbeat and supports me no matter what hare-brained ideas I may get in my head. If I decided to go to Nigeria and preach, she would go. She may not have a good time, but she would not let me see it. I love her, not just for that, but it surely adds to the blessings this stupid wanna-be hippie got when I got her.

I also have been praying for the church here. Something has to happen. We cannot stay small forever. I do not believe it is the will of God that a church be small. That doesn’t mean that a small church is not in the will of God, but I believe God wants his church to be a blessing to those around in the community. And that is hard when you are small and your budget is so limited.

I see great things for a work here in Lincoln. It is over a quarter million population and is both a state capital and a major university community. Great things could happen here. And I believe they will. but it will only happen with the will of the Lord and sure enough not by anything I can do. if could, I would have done it.

So I wait.

Father God, I ask for power to our families, those who have been both afflicted and blessed by their relationship to a pastor. Give them strength and the ability to look past the hurt so many times caused them by the church, and to see the God behind the hurt, that you are good and loving. And I ask for power and growth for this church that we can reach those who need your grace and the gospel of your power. I praise you. Amen